


Finite

by faiczn



Series: Timing and Everything in Between [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and More Angst, Basically they're both just whipped and soft for each other, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings Realization, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Soft Dong Si Cheng | WinWin, Soft Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, mandatory military service
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:15:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 25,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28069158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faiczn/pseuds/faiczn
Summary: Honestly, Jaehyun didn’t think Sicheng would care so much if they couldn’t see each other for two years. In fact, that was the reason he hesitated to tell everyone about his military service, because he was scared no one would miss him very much.“You do realize I will graduate before you finish your service, right?” Sicheng asked.“Oh,” Jaehyun’s mouth opened with shock.--As Jaehyun's mandatory military service is approaching, Jaehyun and Sicheng tried to figure out what to do with the increasing attraction they feel for each other. With only five days left, they make the best of the limited time they had. Together.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Series: Timing and Everything in Between [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2063289
Comments: 28
Kudos: 115





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I had been writing mostly Dreamies centric fic until now, so I want to challenge myself writing about completely different pairings. It's a lot harder than I thought and it took a lot of trial and error, mostly to figure out Jaehyun and Sicheng's personality and dynamic with each other.
> 
> Honestly, I didn't expect it would get this long. Initially, I was aiming for 10-15k, but I'm 20k in and I'm not even finished yet LOL. Anyway, I'm finally confident enough to post it (also mostly to force myself to finish it faster), so I do hope you will enjoy it.
> 
> Thank you so much for stopping by and reading this piece of fiction. Do tell leave me comment, I'll try my best to reply all of them.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

##### December 15th, 2017

Jaehyun called Sicheng’s phone one more time while he climbed the stairs in the international student dorm building toward Sicheng’s room on the third floor. As expected, Sicheng didn’t answer. He was probably still sleeping after his last exam in the afternoon.

His phone stopped buzzing from the group chat, probably because everyone gathered already. He and Sicheng were the only one left.

Jaehyun finally stopped in front of Sicheng and Ten’s room and knocked on the door. No one answered the first time, so he kept knocking until Sicheng opened the door hastily.

“Hi,” Sicheng murmured groggily. Jaehyun clicked his tongue with mock disapproval.

“I knew it. You were sleeping, right?” Jaehyun scoffed while entering his room and taking off his shoes.

“Yeah, my last final finished at three, so I thought I had time,” Sicheng closed the door behind him and hurriedly walked to the bathroom to wash his face.

“I figure,” Jaehyun huffed. “Everyone is in Dul Dul already.”

Everyone agreed to meet tonight to unwind after keeping their head down and studying for the final. Jaehyun didn’t know who came up with the idea, but it’s catching like a fire. The first round is the usual chicken restaurant, the second round is probably the karaoke place. The third round is tentative, as per usual, depends on how many people will still be strong enough to drink some more.

Jaehyun lay down on Ten’s bed while he waited for Sicheng. He really should tell Sicheng and all his friends today. This was the last day of the semester, everyone would go home tomorrow. He would have no other chance.

Sicheng got out of the bathroom and walked straight to his dresser, rummaging through his clothes to find something to wear. Jaehyun sat up on the bed, watching him.

“I need to tell you something,” Jaehyun said tentatively.

“What?” Sicheng asked, apprehensive with how serious Jaehyun sounds. He stopped what he was doing and turned around to see Jaehyun fidgeting on the bed.

“I got my draft notice,” Jaehyun told him in a low voice.

“What?” Sicheng snapped in shock.

“I got my draft notice,” Jaehyun repeated. “I’m enlisting in March.”

Sicheng furrowed his eyebrows together, so shocked he couldn’t say anything for a while.

“When exactly? Will I get back from the winter break already?” Sicheng finally asked.

“No, I think. I have to leave on March 3rd,” Jaehyun tried to smile to appease the situation.

“Fuck, why do you only tell me now, then? You’ll leave before I come back,” Sicheng frowned, looking genuinely upset. Jaehyun’s smile faltered, his eyes widened with surprise. He didn’t expect Sicheng would take the news so hard.

Sure, the two of them were quite close, being the same age and taking the same major. Jaehyun had a soft spot for Sicheng that he didn’t have for any other guy in his big group of friends, but he wasn’t sure Sicheng felt the same way.

Because Sicheng had Ten who was not only his roommate, but also a fellow Mandarin speaker, or Kun, who he always went to for advice. Sometimes, Jaehyun even thought Sicheng was closer to Yukhei, Kunhang and Dejun, despite only knowing them for a year, mostly because they had inside jokes in his mother tongue that Jaehyun would never understand.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun murmured.

“When did you get the letter anyway? Didn’t Doyoung hyung get his notice an entire semester before he had to leave?” Sicheng mentioned their senior who already enlisted earlier in the year.

“I actually got the letter a month ago, but you were so busy with assignments, I just thought…” Jaehyun shrugged

“You should’ve told me anyway!” Sicheng huffed.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun whispered again.

Honestly, Jaehyun didn’t think Sicheng would care so much if they couldn’t see each other for two years. In fact, that was the reason he hesitated to tell everyone about his military service, because he was scared no one would miss him very much.

“You do realize I will graduate before you finish your service, right?” Sicheng asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh,” Jaehyun’s mouth opened with shock. How come it didn’t come to his mind before.

“Yeah, well, pity,” Sicheng shrugged back before standing up and going back to his dresser. He pulled out a turtleneck and took off his t-shirt to change.

Jaehyun threw a glance at his friend, suddenly gripped by the fear that their friendship will effectively end tonight. They wouldn’t survive the two years break. They would drift apart even before Sicheng’s graduation and Jaehyun couldn’t do anything about it.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun cursed.

“Fuck is right,” Sicheng agreed.

“Are you going back to China after you graduate?” Jaehyun asked.

“Of course,” Sicheng snorted, as if it was a given.

“Right,” Jaehyun mused thoughtfully, drowning in his own worry.

“Come on,” Sicheng cocked his head toward the door after picking up his coat. Jaehyun follows him to the halls, quiet as they wait for the elevator.

“It doesn’t feel real, when I don’t tell anyone,” Jaehyun says softly while the elevator takes them downstairs. “It feels like I’m not going anywhere.”

He averted his gaze, away from Sicheng. He couldn’t just pretend he was unaffected like he always does. His military service was the only thing he worried about for a month—even more than his grades—but he couldn’t keep running away from it.

“You haven’t told anyone else?” Sicheng asks.

“Only my family…” Jaehyun shrugs. “And you, now.”

“Are you going to tell everyone tonight?”

“Yeah, I should.”

Sicheng threw his arms around Jaehyun's shoulders, holding him tightly. Jaehyun tried to smile to convince his friend he was okay, but Sicheng didn’t fall for his trick.

“Should I come back to Seoul early, before you leave?” Sicheng offered.

“You’ll do that?” Jaehyun asked dumbly, surprised that Sicheng even considered the idea.

“Yeah,” Sicheng scoffed. “Why do you sound so surprised? Of course, I’ll come. It’s not like I’ll be doing anything in Wenzhou anyway.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun couldn’t hide his excitement and grinned. “You can stay in my house!”

“Sure,” Sicheng smiled.

They rushed to the restaurant, hunching down to avoid the cold wind. Everyone was there when they arrived, sitting around the table, filled to the brim with assortments of fried chicken and glasses of beer.

“Sicheng!” Ten opened his arms warmly as he appeared. Sicheng smiled and sat down beside his roommate, letting Ten fuss after him to give him food and drink. Jaehyun sat at the opposite end of the table, between Jungwoo and Mark.

Jaehyun looked around, noticing that their group had become smaller and smaller. Taeil, Youngho and Taeyong left right after another last year, Doyoung followed in the next spring. Even after Ten and Kun took the freshman students under their wings and encouraged them to join the group hangout more often, the emptiness lingers. Jaehyun would get his turn in two months, but another batch of freshmen would probably join them next year.

Jaehyun started to eat a piece of the chicken then topped it off with two glasses of beer. His face flushed red after drinking several glasses of beer, but his nerve had calmed down, at the very least. Yukhei who sat beside Sicheng got up to go to the bathroom and Jaehyun took over his seat swiftly.

“Sicheng-ah…” Jaehyun whispered.

“Hm?” Sicheng turned to him and watched his expression carefully. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah…” Jaehyun nodded. “I’m telling everyone.”

Sicheng smiled and patted Jaehyun’s knee under the table to encourage him. Jaehyun smiled back, though nervously.

“Guys…” Jaehyun called tentatively. When everyone kept talking, Sicheng tapped his chopstick to the nearest glass to get their attention. The conversation finally died down and everyone turned to the two of them. Yukhei who just got back looked confused as he sat down beside Mark.

“Jaehyun has something to say,” Sicheng announced.

“What is it?” Yuta raised his eyebrows, looking alarmed.

“I’m…” Jaehyun cleared his throat. “I’m going to serve in the military. Um, in March.”

“March?” Ten gasped.

“It’s your time already, hyung?” Mark pouted cutely.

“Are you going to leave before the winter break is over?” Kun asked.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun nodded wistfully.

“Well, we’re going to hold your going away party right now, then, I’m afraid,” Yuta declared right away, slapping the table to seal the deal. “Buckle up, guys, we’re having three rounds tonight.”

“Okay, raise your glass everyone!” Yukhei led the toast loudly. Jaehyun laughs as everyone raises their glass dutifully. Sicheng grins at him before raising his own. “To Jaehyun!”

“To Jaehyun!”

*

After they finished their dinner, they marched to the karaoke place, along with the steady stream of students, looking for fun just like them. They sang nonstop for two hours until their voices cracked, and their throats started to hurt.

Jaehyun quietly paid for the room before they walked to the nearest hole-in-the-wall bar, with cool playlists, cheap drinks, and a completely cramped dance floor. What happened in the bar is a blur. Every single one of them is drunk at this point, especially Jaehyun. Mark and Yukhei make fools of themselves by actually doing a dance off in front of everyone. Jaehyun literally rolled on the floor, laughing at them.

Sicheng picked him up and let Jaehyun hold on to him for the rest of the night. They all stayed until the bar was closed and the staff kicked them out. Somehow, they still remembered to take a picture in front of the bar. Ten asks a random guy passing by to take their picture.

Ten and Yuta call a taxi for Jaehyun—the only one who doesn’t live in the university dorm—while he cling onto Sicheng to steady himself. He would probably be embarrassed about it in the morning, but that wasn’t a problem for tonight.

“Sicheng-ah!” Yuta waved at him and Jaehyun when a taxi stopped in front of him. Sicheng dragged Jaehyun toward the taxi and tried to tuck him into the back seat, but he wouldn't budge.

“Thank you, baby,” Jaehyun murmured in English, wrapped his arms around Sicheng and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Yah!” Sicheng yelled and shoved his face away. Jaehyun laughed with his whole body, almost tripped on his own leg while he was at it.

“See you in two months.”

“See you, Jaehyun-ah.”

Jaehyun climbed inside by himself, grinning cheekily at Sicheng before closing the door. Sicheng told the driver Jaehyun’s address and waved him goodbye as the taxi drove away.

Jaehyun sighed and leaned on the seat. He watched the city pass by him on the window, blurred as if the camera recording the scenery was unfocused.

His phone buzzed with a message from the group chat. Ten sent the photo they took together before. Jaehyun was mortified to find how he completely clung onto Sicheng in the photo, hugging his waist and nuzzling his own face on his shoulder. Sicheng didn’t seem to mind, only holding his shoulder lightly, smiling to the camera.

He stared at the photo for a long time, before quietly downloading it to his phone. He refused to think about what it meant and turned off his screen. He would think about it later. Much, much later.

*

##### February 26th, 2018

Jaehyun didn’t know why he felt so nervous as he waited by the arrival gate, waiting for Sicheng to appear. He was just picking up a friend so they could spend some time together.

The same friend he had been talking to almost every day the whole winter break. At first, Jaehyun and Sicheng just talked about their plans once he arrived in Seoul, then they started telling each other about their day since they were texting anyway. At this point, Sicheng was the first and last person he talks to every single day.

Jaehyun knew what time Sicheng woke up and went to sleep, what films he watched, games he played, even food he ate. Since Sicheng shared so much of his days, Jaehyun reciprocated the gesture, even though his daily life in Seoul was boring as fuck. But if anything remotely interesting happened, Sicheng was always the first person he tells. 

They weren’t like this before. Their friendship had always been on the chill side since the beginning. Not much texting, but they never run out things to talk about when they meet in person. He didn't know what caused this shift. It happened so naturally, he didn’t question it at the beginning. After almost two months though, he started to wonder what it meant.

Jaehyun could see Sicheng approaching closer through the glass door. He was wearing a navy coat with white sweater and a pair of dark denim pants, dragging his beat-up grey luggage Jaehyun usually saw on top of his dresser in his room.

Jaehyun couldn’t help lighting up, grinning, and waving enthusiastically, before drowning Sicheng in his embrace. He didn’t know how much he missed Sicheng until he finally got to see his face again.

“Hi,” Jaehyun whispered.

“Hi, Jaehyun,” Sicheng murmured back awkwardly, probably flustered by Jaehyun’s enthusiasm.

“Come on,” Jaehyun took Sicheng’s luggage smoothly as he circled his arm around his shoulder and led him toward the parking area where his car was parked. “Have you eaten?”

“No, I just slept,” Sicheng chuckled.

They got to the car and packed Sicheng’s luggage in the trunk before climbing in.

Jaehyun took off his beanie after they settled in, revealing his new haircut. His hair has been dyed black and cut short, shorter than ever before.

“You cut your hair already?” Sicheng asked, somehow still avoiding Jaehyun’s eyes. Jaehyun kept pretending he didn’t notice.

“I’ve been doing it gradually,” Jaehyun grinned sheepishly as he touched his hair. “I have to shave it again before I leave.”

“Right,” Sicheng nodded. “Looks good on you.”

“I always look good,” Jaehyun joked. Sicheng rolled his eyes.

“Wait…” Sicheng muttered when Jaehyun started the car. He opened his backpack and pulled out a small box wrapped in a brown gift paper.

“Sorry, it’s late, but, um, happy birthday,” Sicheng said as he extended the box to him. Jaehyun didn’t expect a gift, especially because his birthday has passed for two weeks already, but maybe Sicheng just waited until he got here.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun murmured as he took the box. “Can I open it?”

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded. Jaehyun ripped through the wrapper immediately. It was a silver chain bracelet, adorned with little clovers.

“For luck,” Sicheng said.

“Right,” Jaehyun smiled at him, as he wore the bracelet right away. He patted Sicheng’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze as he told him again, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Sicheng smiled back.

“Do you want to get something to eat?” Jaehyun asked after he started the car and drove it out of the parking building.

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded.

“There’s this bakery in my neighborhood. Their croissants are out of this world, you have to try some,” Jaehyun suggested.

“Isn’t that the bakery you go to every weekend?” Sicheng asked.

“Oh yeah, I told you that before?” Jaehyun chimed, surprised that Sicheng remembers.

“Yeah, let’s go there,” Sicheng murmured.

They decided to go straight to the bakery, since both of them were hungry already. Jaehyun parked the car in the basement of his apartment building and they walked the rest of the way.

The bakery was nothing fancy, but it was a neighborhood favorite. They opened early for breakfast and would close before 3 in the afternoon since they usually ran out of bread already. Jaehyun used to have brunch here every Sunday with his grandma. Now after she moved out of town, he tried to drop by everytime he could.

The only empty table was a tiny two seats in the corner. Sicheng sat down while Jaehyun ordered for them. He got back with a croissant for them to munch on while they waited.

“This place looks humble, but everyone is dressing fancy, huh?” Sicheng pointed out to Jaehyun. He looked around the room, but most people were wearing casual outfits, although he knew for a fact they were all covered in luxury brands from head to toe.

“I never thought about it before, but you’re right,” Jaehyun said easily.

“Yeah, because you’re just like them,” Sicheng huffed.

“Is that a bad thing?” Jaehyun chuckled, amused. Was Sicheng really shaming him for caring about what he wears everyday?

“It’s not…” Sicheng shook his head quickly. “You all dress well is all I’m saying.”

As if on cue, the waiter comes with their croissant sandwich and coffee. Salmon and egg for Jaehyun, ham and cheese for Sicheng. Jaehyun sips his coffee first, watching Sicheng digging in right away.

Sicheng picked the sandwich up, instead of using his fork and knife, and took a bite. The sauce smeared on his cheek, but he didn’t care. He just hummed and nodded with delight. He looked like a kid, excited in front of delicious food.

“How is it?” Jaehyun asked, smiling.

“It’s good,” Sicheng replied curtly, unwilling to waste time to talk when he can keep eating instead. Jaehyun scoffed and pulled out a tissue for him.

“Here,” Jaehyun wiped his cheek roughly.

“Thanks,” he grinned sheepishly as he took the tissue and cleaned himself. Jaehyun finally began eating himself. Unlike Sicheng, using the cutlery to cut a few pieces.

“Do you want to try mine?” Jaehyun offered. Sichend nodded and opened his mouth obediently so Jaehyun could feed him.

“Yours is better,” he said.

“Want more?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng shook his head and finished his sandwich instead.

“Slow down, dude,” Jaehyun chuckled. He said that every time they eat together because Sicheng usually wolfs down his meal in less than three minutes.

“It’s so good,” Sicheng finally let out more words while he sips his coffee slowly. Jaehyun hadn’t even gone through half his sandwich, but he took his time to savor it.

“So, we’re still going to ski?” Sicheng asked.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun nods. “I checked yesterday with the resort. We can go tomorrow.”

“Relax, I’ll teach you,” Jaehyun grinned because Sicheng looked obviously nervous about it. Sicheng scoffed sheepishly. “Besides, you can sled if you’re not into skiing.”

“Alright,” Sicheng rolled his eyes, because he knew sledding was mostly for children. Jaehyun let out a chuckle.

“We can stay at the resort too, if you want. I’ll borrow my dad’s membership card,” Jaehyun suggested.

“Your parents okay if you spend the night?” Sicheng asked.

“Sure, why?” Jaehyun nodded right away.

“Well, because you’re leaving in a week?” Sicheng shrugged.

“Don’t remind me,” Jaehyun sighs. “My parents already talk about it everyday, it stresses me out, honestly. They keep suggesting things to do before I leave. Like, I already went to places I want to visit, met friends I want to see. This week I just want to chill, you know, with you.”

Their eyes met for a second. Jaehyun knew Sicheng usually avoided eye contact, even with the people he was close to, but this time he held his gaze. Jaehyun felt a shiver down his spine from his sharp eyes.

“Okay,” Sicheng smiled slightly.

“Okay,” Jaehyun grinned back, wide enough to make his dimples appear.

They walked back to Jaehyun’s place, speed walking all the way because it was really cold outside. They fetched Sicheng’s luggage in the car, before going up to the fifteenth floor where Jaehyun and his parents resided.

The place was empty as usual at this time of the day. Both Jaehyun parents work, so he was alone at home most of the time. He got used to it. After all, it had been like this since they moved back to the country seven years ago.

After befriending both Ten and Sicheng though, he always preferred to hang out in their room in the dorm instead of going home. He loved the company. Sometimes, he even wished he went to a university outside of Seoul, just so he could stay at the dorm with his friends.

Jaehyun sat down on his bed while Sicheng opened his luggage on the floor so he could pull out a pair of sweatpants. He turned away from Jaehyun, unbuckled his belt and pulled down his jeans.

Jaehyun’s eyes were just automatically drawn to Sicheng—or his body, to be precise. He checked out his bare legs which were only covered by a boxer. They were thick and toned, probably by years of dancing. He had a mole on the back of his left thigh, Jaehyun noticed absentmindedly. Then, Sicheng put on his sweatpants and turned around. Jaehyun quickly looked away.

“What?” Sicheng asked.

“Nothing,” Jaehyun shrugged, praying his ears wouldn’t turn red and betray his fake nonchalance.

Sicheng slumped down on the bed beside Jaehyun, before starting a game on his phone. They didn’t say anything for a while, busy with their own phone. It was almost an hour later when Jaehyun finally got up to change his clothes.

“Should we watch a movie?” Sicheng shifted to look at him. Jaehyun just took off his t-shirt, leaving his upper body on display.

“Dude, you still have abs?” Sicheng teased incredulously. “You’re serving in the military soon, you’ll do nothing but working out for two years there.”

“Fuck off,” Jaehyun scoffed. This time his ears did turn red. Sicheng laughed and went back to his phone.

“Come on, let’s watch something,” Jaehyun said before leaving the room. Sicheng followed him and settled on the sofa while Jaehyun looked up for a movie to watch. They spend the day like that, alternating between watching movies, and playing games.

Dinner was short ribs soup made by their housekeeper. Jaehyun warmed it on the stove before serving it on the table for both of them. Mom came home while they were eating. He heard the sounds of the keypad on the door and the rustle of her coat in the foyer.

“Hyun-ah!” Mom called.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun answered.

“What’s for dinner?” Mom asked while sauntering to the kitchen. Sicheng stood up immediately when he saw her, bowing deeply. He was clearly nervous, judging by the tight smile on his face.

“Oh, hi, Sicheng, right?” Mom asked casually.

“Yes,” Sicheng nodded politely.

“Yah, sit down,” Jaehyun whispered to him and patted his arm. Sicheng sighed as he sat down beside Jaehyun.

“It’s short ribs soup. Do you want some?” Jaehyun asked Mom. She hummed and peeked inside the pot on top of the stove.

“Nah, I had a big lunch today,” Mom shook her head. She still sat down with them after making a glass of tea for herself, seemingly just to chat with Sicheng.

“When did you arrive, Sicheng-ah?” Mom asked.

“This morning,” Sicheng answered.

“You’re staying for a week, right?”

“Yes, thank you for letting me stay here, eomeonim,” Sicheng said. Jaehyun noticed he even sat a little straighter when he talked to Mom. It was endearing to see, honestly. Sicheng told him earlier he never met a Korean friend’s parents before, so he was a little nervous. Jaehyun told him just to be himself.

“Our pleasure, Sicheng-ah,” Mom smiled warmly. “Hyun hasn’t brought a friend in a long time, so we’re excited, honestly.”

“Eomma,” Jaehyun chided gently, embarrassed by the pet name. Mom chuckled and messed with his hair to annoy him even more.

“Make yourself at home, okay? Just tell Hyun if you need anything,” Mom said.

“Oh, he will,” Jaehyun scoffed. Mom chuckled before going into her room, bringing her mug with her.

“You okay, dude?” Jaehyun asked after Mom was out of the earshot. He chuckled sheepishly and nodded.

“I didn’t say anything wrong, right?” Sicheng asked. Jaehyun shook his head encouragingly.

“My mom is really chill anyway. She won’t make a big deal even if you don’t have perfect manners,” Jaehyun said.

“Unlike our professors,” Sicheng murmured. Jaehyun snorted because he witnessed firsthand when Sicheng got a scolding by a professor on his first week in the university, just because he didn’t greet her properly.

Sicheng insisted on washing the dishes after dinner, so Jaehyun let him. He still hovered around the kitchen, ready to help if Sicheng needed anything. In the meantime, he packed the soup back into the container to be stored in the fridge and cleaned the table. He didn’t realize Sicheng was done and watching him.

“Why?” Jaehyun asked.

“No, just…” Sicheng shook his head. “Nothing.”

Jaehyun told Sicheng to wash up first because he knew Dad would come home next. Sometimes, he came home drunk and Jaehyun didn’t want Sicheng to deal with that. His hunch was on the nose, because Dad was plastered when he entered the apartment.

Dad was a happy drunk, all red and chipper—a lot like his son, in hindsight—but he was still a lot to handle. Jaehyun hauled him up after he almost fell over in the foyer and dragged him to his bedroom. Jaehyun tried to lay him down gently on the bed, but he lost his balance and they both collapsed on the bed.

“Need some help?” Mom asked as she stepped into the room.

“Yes, please,” Jaehyun scoffed as he tried to wrestle himself out of Dad’s arms around him.

“Jaehyun-ah…” Dad only tried to hold him closer instead. “Juyeonie.”

Mom chuckled and lay down on the bed with them. Dad grinned and kissed the top of her head.

“Alright, I’ll leave you two to it,” Jaehyun rolled his eyes. Dad chuckled and gave him his share of kisses. Jaehyun groaned, wriggling out of Dad’s embrace.

He got out of the room hastily, afraid that his parents would start going at it while he was still in the room. That happened before. Still gave him the shudder months later.

Jaehyun peeked inside his own bedroom, finding Sicheng in bed already, tucked snugly under the duvets with pajamas on and hair already dried.

“Where have you been?” Sicheng asked.

“Dad came home,” Jaehyun replied.

“Oh, should I greet him?” Sicheng sat up immediately. Jaehyun shook his head and waved his hand dismissively.

“Do it tomorrow,” Jaehyun said. Sicheng hummed and lay back down.

Jaehyun left the room to take a shower. When he went back, Sicheng was half asleep, curling up to his side on the bed.

“Hi,” Sicheng murmured when Jaehyun walked in.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng shook his head wordlessly and closed his eyes again. Jaehyun never slept this early in the night, but Sicheng looked too tired to do anything else. He did wake up at 6 in the morning to catch up the early flight.

Jaehyun sat down on the bed to put on some lotion, before turning off the light and lay down beside his friend. It was the first time they slept on the same bed, Jaehyun realized. They did sleep side by side, along with thirty other classmates in the same room during their MT almost two years ago, but that didn’t count.

Count for what, Jung Jaehyun? Why do you care whether you had slept on the same bed as Sicheng or not?

Jaehyun shook that thought off and rolled to his side, turning his back against Sicheng. He put on his airpod and watched some youtube videos, until his eyes got tired and he could finally rest for the night.

*

##### February 27th, 2018

Sicheng looked apprehensive as they boarded the lift to go up the hill for the intermediate slope. They had spent a good two hours on the beginner slope and Sicheng had been doing good so far, in Jaehyun’s opinion.

Jaehyun gazed upon the valley down below, drinking in the gorgeous view. Sicheng, on the other hand, looked pale and unfocused, nervous as fuck. He didn’t say a word about it, but he gripped the railings so hard, his knuckles started to turn white. Jaehyun circled his arm around his shoulder without a word, grounding him.

“Relax,” Jaehyun said, to no avail. Sicheng just huffed petulantly. Jaehyun chuckled and pulled out his phone to take a selfie.

“Sicheng!” He called. Sicheng turned to him, still frowning and Jaehyun took a shot right away.

“Yah!” Sicheng scowled. Jaehyun just laughed and took another one. This time both of them smiled at the camera.

“I’m posting it to Instagram,” Jaehyun said. Sicheng paused for a second, making Jaehyun glance at him curiously. He still looked hesitant when he shrugged and nodded.

“It’s okay if you don’t want me to,” Jaehyun hurriedly said, even though he couldn’t think of a reason why Sicheng was unwilling to post their picture together.

“It’s just… I don’t really tell anyone I’m here,” Sicheng murmured reluctantly. “I told Ten hyung, but that’s it.”

“Why not?” Jaehyun asked, genuinely confused and a little hurt, actually. What was so wrong about Sicheng spending time with him before he left?

“I don’t want people asking questions,” Sicheng replied simply.

Questions about what? Is he embarrassed to be here?

“Okay, I won’t post it, then,” Jaehyun said curtly, effectively ending the topic. He looked away, afraid that his expression would betray the feelings he wanted to hide from Sicheng.

They arrived at the top of the hill and they both got out of the lift. Sicheng watched the slope in horror, clearly panicking.

“Yah, it’s so steep,” Sicheng muttered. “Are you sure it’s safe?”

“It is,” Jaehyun scoffed.

“I just started to learn to ski today,” Sicheng said incredulously.

“Look, even the kids are doing fine,” Jaehyun pointed at a pair of kids who were probably around 10 years old. Sicheng sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Come on,” Jaehyun started to go down, then stop to watch Sicheng and smiled encouragingly.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Sicheng yelled as he went down, a little too fast for his liking. He tried to go toward Jaehyun, but his awkward stance made him end up a few meters away from Jaehyun. The same kids Jaehyun talked about earlier laughed at him.

Jaehyun tried to go down one more time, then waved at Sicheng to move toward him. Sicheng sighed exasperatedly and glided down again, whining when he couldn't control where he was going.

Jaehyun chuckled as he slid down toward his friend and caught his hand. Sicheng clinged to him with both arms, so he wouldn’t accidentally propel down.

“This is so stressful,” Sicheng scoffed and crouched down to catch his breath. Jaehyun patted his head, still chuckling. While they rested, a lady glided past them together, holding on to her daughter so they could go down together.

“Oh, that looks fun, do you want to try that?” Jaehyun pointed at them. Sicheng followed the pair of the mother and daughter with his eyes and nodded right away, already giving up going down the slope on his own.

Jaehyun held Sicheng’s shoulders to make him stand in front of him, then awkwardly held Sicheng’s waist so they could move together. He leaned forward, but he was the only who moved. He bumped into Sicheng instead.

“Yah! Jaehyun-ah!” Sicheng shouted as he slid down inadvertently. Thankfully, Jaehyun could catch him before he got too far.

“Sorry,” Jaehyun giggled when Sicheng turned around and glared at him.

“I think you have to hold me really tightly,” Sicheng said when they tried again.

“Okay,” Jaehyun gulped down before wrapping his arms around Sicheng’s slim waist and closed the distance between them. When he finally leaned forward, they both glided down together.

“Oh my god,” Sicheng gasped, grabbing Jaehyun’s forearm for purchase.

Jaehyun had to lean really close so he could control their movement, completely aware of the proximity between them. He was silently grateful for the layers of thick winter clothes between them, because the whole front part of his body is pressed against Sicheng and, honestly, he wasn’t sure how his body would react if he could feel Sicheng’s ass against him.

“This is so weird,” Sicheng blurted out, tightened his grip on Jaehyun’s arm. “I got no control whatsoever.”

Jaehyun chuckled and bent forward to fasten their movement, He got so close, his chin almost rested on Sicheng’s shoulder.

“Too fast! Too fast!” Sicheng yelped. “Oh fuck, don’t let go!”

“I got you,” Jaehyun whispered, right in his ear. He could feel Sicheng tensed inside his arms, maybe even shuddered a little. Jaehyun tried his best not to dwell on it.

They stopped for a few minutes after descending down a steep slope. They didn’t talk, too busy to avoid each other’s eyes. Sicheng was blushing despite the cold weather, while Jaehyun had to pull down his beanie to cover his ears because he was sure they went red after the stunt they pulled together.

“Do you want to go down alone?” Jaehyun offered.

“But that slope is even steeper than the one before,” Sicheng said, pointing at the slope in front of them.

“Okay, come on,” Jaehyun circled an arm around Sicheng carelessly and started to move again. The faster they got down, the better.

“Tighter,” Sicheng murmured and took Jaehyun’s other arm to wrap around his waist. Jaehyun tightened his hug as requested. They glided down fast while Sicheng let out a chorus of colorful curses in Mandarin. Jaehyun giggled behind him. At one point, he almost lost his control from laughing too hard.

The last slope was more forgiving for Sicheng’s beginner skill so they went down separately. Jaehyun rushed down, secretly glad he could go down by himself. He watched Sicheng after he arrived, even recorded a short video of Sicheng awkwardly sliding down the hill.

They tried snow rafting next. This time they only needed to sit down on the boat as it raced downhill, faster than they expected. Jaehyun giggled through the ride, enjoying every bit of it. Sicheng was nervous at first, yelling as soon as the staff pushed them down. He ended up liking it even more than Jaehyun. It was so fun, they did it three more times.

The last course was sled racing. They had to climb the 10 meters platform on top of the hill to get to the starting point. They were the only adults between all the kids queueing for the ride, but Jaehyun didn’t care much. The sled looked too fun to pass by. They went down together twice and Sicheng won both races. Jaehyun argued it was because Sicheng was lighter than he was. Sicheng only stuck out his tongue, teasing him for being a sore loser.

They had an early dinner after a whole day of adrenaline rush, munching on steaming hot fish cake soup and spicy tteokbokki for appetizer, fried chicken for the main course, and hotteok for dessert. It was a really great day, Jaehyun thought. Even the sunset was extra beautiful that afternoon.

“I looked so dumb,” Sicheng chuckled while he watched the videos Jaehyun took of him on Jaehyun’s phone on the way to the hotel. “I’m sending this to mine, okay?”

“Sure,” Jaehyun nodded.

After Jaehyun parked the car, he only saw the notification from Instagram, letting him know that Sicheng tagged in one of his stories. Jaehyun opened the app to see his stories. He posted their selfie together, the one where he was frowning.

Why did he make such a fuss about posting their picture together if he was going to do it anyway? Jaehyun sighed and flicked his finger to look at the next story.

It was the video where he almost fell over, but somehow managed to save himself. In the few last seconds of the video, Sicheng turned to look past the camera and his eyes softened as he started to grin widely. Jaehyun felt a tight squeeze in his chest when he realized Sicheng was looking at him.

*

They holed up inside their very nice hotel room—courtesy of Dad’s platinum membership status. HBO was airing several Harry Potter films in a row, so they watched all of it, while exchanging stories about queuing at the bookstore to buy the latest book in the series when they were kids.

“It was the first English novel I read, I think,” Jaehyun said. “I remember I don’t really understand the jokes, because it was so British, you know?”

Sicheng hummed but didn’t offer any comment. When Jaehyun turned to look at him, he was typing something on his phone.

“Sorry, what did you say?” Sicheng asked after he was done.

“Nothing,” Jaehyun murmured.

Sicheng left his phone on the nightstand between his and Jaehyun’s bed. The screen lit up a couple of times, announcing text after text. Jaehyun glanced at it each time, curious of who he was texting with. Sicheng picked it up and silenced it without even checking who texted him.

“Who texted you so much?” Jaehyun asked

“Probably Yuta hyung,” Sicheng answered.

“I didn’t know you text so much with Yuta,” Jaehyun said casually.

“I don’t,” Sicheng scoffed. “It’s because I posted our selfie and he asked what I’m doing in Korea so early.”

“What did you say to him?” Jaehyun asked, half laughing in his effort to appear laid-back.

“I haven’t replied,” Sicheng shrugged.

“Maybe he’s jealous,” Jaehyun teased. “You know he has a crush on you, right?”

“Please,” Sicheng rolled his eyes. “He flirts with everyone.”

Yuta was indeed flirty by nature, but it was obvious to everyone that he treated Sicheng differently. He clinged to Sicheng, teased him, and even offered to take him to dinner or movies sometimes. He didn’t outright pursue Sicheng, but he wasn’t subtle about it either. The only one who couldn’t see it was probably Sicheng himself.

“What if he’s serious?” Jaehyun couldn’t help asking. “Will you consider him?”

“I don’t know,” Sicheng mused, somehow considering it seriously. “Never say never, I guess.”

The answer surprised Jaehyun so much, he froze for a second. His mouth opened to say something but nothing came out. Did he read Sicheng wrong all this time? Maybe he liked Yuta after all.

A vivid image of Sicheng and Yuta walking together in campus, hand in hand, flashed in his mind. He didn’t like it, just like he didn’t like the fact that Ten or Kun were closer to Sicheng than he was. It felt worse because Jaehyun would be gone for two years and everyone else could spend as much time with Sicheng as they liked.

“Do you like him?” Jaehyun asked instead. He turned to look at Sicheng properly, wanting to see his expression or, rather, read between the lines, beyond the superficial emotions Sicheng was willing to offer. Sicheng didn’t even look at him, still watching the television.

“No,” Sicheng chuckled lightly. “But he’s hot, you know, I’m not blind.”

Jaehyun could deal with that. Because he wasn’t blind either. Yuta was objectively hot if you’re into that Japanese rock star aesthetics. Okay, he was being petty. Yuta was handsome by any standard. Most people with functional eyes would agree.

“Will you fuck him?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng threw him a scandalous look. Jaehyun shrugged and added, “You know, hypothetically.”

“What’s that even mean?” Sicheng snorted.

“Like, if you meet him for the first time in a bar and you don’t share any friends,” Jaehyun said. Again, Sicheng took a few seconds and considered it seriously.

“Sure, why not,” Sicheng shrugged. Jaehyun stopped himself before the image of Sicheng and Yuta fucking even formed in his mind.

“What about me?” Jaehyun couldn’t help asking. He needed to know. “Will you fuck me?”

Sicheng furrowed his eyebrows and let out a nervous laugh, “Why are we even talking about this?”

“Come on, you’re considering Yuta, but not me?” Jaehyun faked a lighthearted laugh, even though he was almost shaky with anticipation.

“I will,” Sicheng replied in a low voice, almost too low for Jaehyun to catch it.

“What?” Jaehyun asked, even though he heard it the first time. He just wanted Sicheng said it one more time.

“I’ll fuck you,” Sicheng repeated.

“Well, for the record, I’ll fuck you too,” Jaehyun told him without a second thought.

“Good to know, I guess,” Sicheng huffed, before turning his attention to the television again.

Jaehyun couldn’t help imagining Sicheng, naked, moaning under him as he fucked into him nice and slow. The idea turned him on more that he was willing to admit and he had to adjust the blanket to hide the tent forming in his pants.

Then, the scene where Ron throwing up slugs came up next and the disgusting image effectively killed Jaehyun’s arousal. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but at least he had stopped before doing something he would regret.

Because jerking off to an image of fucking his closest friend definitely crossed the line of decency, even by Jaehyun’s own low standard.

*

##### February 28th, 2018

The next day, they took it easy. They woke up an hour before the breakfast buffet ended and they stayed until the staff had to politely kick them out. They went back to their room and lounged on their bed until it was time to check out.

Sicheng browsed for a restaurant on the way to Seoul. He found a famous baeksuk place about two hours drive from the hotel. Perfect time for lunch.

They stopped by the restaurant and devoured a whole chicken together, before scrapping the scorched rice on the bottom of the pot. It was absolutely delicious, warming their stomach on the particularly cold day.

His full stomach made Jaehyun sleepy on the drive back. Sicheng offered to take the wheel and Jaehyun was tempted to let him drive, but he didn’t have Korean driving license. Mom would definitely scold him if they got a ticket over it, so he powered through until they arrived in Seoul.

Jaehyun didn’t even realize he was exhausted until he parked the car in the parking area in his apartment building. He slumped against the wheel, too tired to move.

“Come on,” Sicheng whispered, patting his arm. Jaehyun hummed and got out of the car. He spotted a girl walking toward the lift lobby at the same time. Even when she was sporting a shorter haircut and wearing clothes Jaehyun had never seen before, he could easily recognize her from behind. After all, he dated her for two years back in high school.

“Harin-ah!” Jaehyun called. The girl turned around, immediately smiled when she saw him.

“Oh, hi, long time no see, oppa!” Harin grinned and raised her hand immediately for a high five. Jaehyun scoffed as he pressed his palm on hers.

“You’re driving already?” Jaehyun teased immediately when he saw the car key in her hand.

“Yeah, just got my license,” Harin grimaced sheepishly. Jaehyun used his keycard to open the door to the lobby, holding it open for her. Sicheng raised his eyebrows at him, silently asking who she was.

“I’m his ex,” Harin was the one who answered. Jaehyun scoffed.

“We dated in high school,” Jaehyun explained to Sicheng, before introducing them. They shook hands, smiling politely to each other.

“He’s from China,” Jaehyun told Harin.

“Oh yeah?” She glanced at him with interest, lingering a tad too long for Jaehyun’s liking.

“Yeah, I only came here two years ago,” Sicheng said.

“We go to the same major,” Jaehyun said again. Harin nodded politely, still looking at Sicheng instead of him. He didn't know what to feel to witness his ex-girlfriend openly checking Sicheng out.

“So, which university are you going to?” Jaehyun asked as they waited for the lift.

“Korea University,” Harin answered. Jaehyun whistled, feeling somehow proud of her. She had always been smart and studious. In fact, that was the reason they broke up two years ago. Harin didn’t want any distraction from her study. It was rather ironic, because she was in the middle of her first year in high school, while Jaehyun was preparing for his CSAT.

The lift came and they all walked in. Harin pressed the button to both her and Jaehyun’s floor.

“I heard you’re enlisting soon,” Harin said.

“Oh god, did my mom tell you?” Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

“No, she told my mom and my mom told me,” Harin grinned. “When are you leaving?”

“Less than a week now,” Jaehyun sighed.

“Oof, good luck,” Harin chuckled lightly. They arrived on her floor and she nodded to Sicheng before getting off.

“So, I guess you broke up amicably?” Sicheng asked.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun nodded. “It’s been three years anyway.”

They’ve known each other for years before they started dating. Their parents went to the same university in the USA and they had lived in the same building after Jaehyun and his parents moved back to Korea seven years ago. So, it didn’t make sense to stop talking or steering clear of each other’s life. They stayed friends, or at least, civilized enough to sit together at dinner with their families.

“She’s the only ex I’m staying friends with, actually,” Jaehyun chuckled.

“You’re friends with Taeyong hyung,” Sicheng pointed out.

“Yeah, well, we never date,” Jaehyun rolled his eyes. They just fucked. A lot.

Granted, Taeyong was the first guy he ever slept with and it did earn him a special place in Jaehyun’s heart, but it effectively ended when Taeyong enlisted. All he had left of him was just a fond memory.

The lift stopped at his floor. They got off and entered the apartment without a word. The inside of the apartment was freezing without the heater on. Jaehyun turned it on right away, setting the temperature a little higher than usual.

“Can I make some tea?” Sicheng asked while they were taking off their coat.

“Of course,” Jaehyun said, before leading him toward the kitchen. He pulled out Mom’s tea drawer, urging Sicheng to take anything he liked. They sat down at the dinner table with a cup of tea in their hand.

“How many exes do you have anyway?” Sicheng still continued the topic.

“You know,” Jaehyun shrugged. Why did Sicheng bother to ask anyway? They both know Jaehyun never really dated anyone. He just fucked around, mostly.

Besides, he didn’t want to talk about his ex, he wanted to know about Sicheng’s exes instead. He said he dated a guy in high school, but never really talked about anyone else the whole time they were friends. There were a couple of people he found attractive, but he never expressed his desire to date anyone—or fuck anyone, even.

“What about you?” Jaehyun asked.

“You know,” Sicheng shrugged.

“You never talked about anyone,” Jaehyun said incredulously.

“Because there’s no one,” Sicheng scoffed.

“Come on,” Jaehyun still refused to believe Sicheng had no one. Because a guy who looked like him, as sweet as him could have anyone he wanted, really.

“Why won’t you believe me?” Sicheng laughed.

“Because…” Jaehyun sighed in exasperation. “Because you’re, like, really good looking, dude.”

A furious blush bloomed on Sicheng’s cheeks. He stuck out his tongue unconsciously, a telltale when he was flustered. He tried to snort it off, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. Jaehyun had to physically restrain himself from reaching over the table and pinched his cheeks for being really, really cute.

“Well…” Sicheng murmured. “The person I like doesn’t like me back, so…”

“You like someone?” Jaehyun blurted out, shocked.

“Yeah,” Sicheng looked away and sipped his tea. Jaehyun went over everyone around Sicheng. Jaehyun shared most of Sicheng’s friends, so he would have known the person. It definitely wasn’t Yuta. Maybe Yukhei? Or Kunhang?

“Do I know them?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng just smiled slightly, but offered no other words. “You already talked about it, might as well tell me who.”

Sicheng shrugged, definitely feigning nonchalance because he was gripping his mug a little too hard, his knuckle started to turn white. Jaehyun didn’t understand why Sicheng was so adamant to hide this from him. Weren’t their friends? Did he not trust him?

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jaehyun asked sullenly, tired of getting hurt constantly by Sicheng, albeit unintentionally.

“Why do you think?” Sicheng looked at him dead in the eyes this time. He was frowning, looking just as upset. Why? Jaehyun didn’t even do anything.

Then, Jaehyun’s mouth gaped open, because the puzzle pieces finally fit together inside his mind. The reason Sicheng kept him at arm’s length, or why he wouldn’t discuss his love life with him. The reason he was mad Jaehyun took too long to tell him he was leaving, or why he offered to come here early so they could spend time together before he enlisted.

“Is it…” Jaehyun gulped down. “Is it me?”

Sicheng didn’t answer, but his silence told Jaehyun everything he needed to know.

Oh my fucking god.

His hurt and disappointment melted away, turning into happiness instead. The revelation made him giddy with excitement. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. All he wanted to do was reach up to him and gather him close.

But Sicheng wasn’t smiling. He looked like he wanted to cry instead. Jaehyun’s stomach dipped as he realized the gravity of the situation. Sicheng wasn’t aware of the effect he had on Jaehyun. He didn’t know how Jaehyun had hope and hope for Sicheng to look at him, noticing how bad Jaehyun wanted to get close with him.

“Sicheng…” Jaehyun started, extending his hand so he could touch his hand.

“No…” Sicheng suddenly stood up and turned toward Jaehyun’s room. Jaehyun followed him immediately.

The room was dark when he walked in. Sicheng sat at the end of the bed, bending down and almost folding his body in half. He was burying his face in his arms. Jaehyun settled beside him, tentatively patting his back.

“I’m sorry…” Jaehyun whispered.

“Can you just leave me alone?” Sicheng croaked. His voice was tight with intense emotions he was suppressing.

Jaehyun knew he should respect Sicheng’s wish and give him some space, but he was terrified their friendship would be damaged beyond repair if he left the room.

“I thought you’re keeping a distance from me all this time,” Jaehyun murmured instead. “I’d like to think we’re close, I want to get closer to you, but you wouldn’t let me. I thought you’re more comfortable with Ten or Kun, hell even Yukhei.”

Sicheng got up with a flinch, straightened up and turned to face Jaehyun. His eyes were wet, his eyebrows were furrowed together and his lips curled into a frown. He was clearly upset and Jaehyun couldn’t blame him. He would be upset too if he was in his shoes.

“Really? I told you I like you and that’s all you can say to me?” Sicheng snapped.

“I was jealous of them, Sicheng-ah…” Jaehyun sighed. “Don’t you get it?”

He had been so fucking blind. It was almost hilarious, really, for him to chase after other people, pretending easy fucks were enough. Even what he really craved were intimacy and genuine affections. Even when the only person he wanted to be with was already by his side all this time.

“I’m saying I like you too,” Jaehyun said.

“No way,” Sicheng shook his head in disbelief. “Fuck, Jaehyun, you like everyone but me. You chase after everyone but me.”

“I was stupid,” Jaehyun groaned. “I didn’t realize how I feel about you.”

Sicheng turned to him slowly, with an inexplicable look in his eyes. The way he was staring directly into Jaehyun’s eyes was rather unnerving this close. No one said anything, making the air between them filled with something Jaehyun couldn’t describe. Maybe a mix of anticipation and dread, like both of them were entering uncharted territory.

Expressing his feelings through words was too hard and Jaehyun was too impatient. He wished he could just kiss Sicheng and get it over with.

The thought made him think it was a good idea to stare at Sicheng’s lips, so he did. Jaehyun thought Sicheng had nice lips, perfectly kissable. His upper lip was thicker, so he looked like he was perpetually pouting. Maybe that was why Sicheng always looked so cute.

“Jaehyun…” Sicheng called.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun glanced up, instantly blushing when he realized Sicheng knew what he was thinking about. Sicheng didn’t draw back, didn’t look away to ease the tension between them.

Then, Sicheng’s eyes flitted down to Jaehyun’s own lips and he couldn’t hold it any longer. Without even stopping to think it through, he leaned closer and brushed their lips together. Sicheng’s breath hitched with surprise, but Jaehyun stubbornly pushed through.

He nipped on Sicheng’s lips tentatively, encouraging him to open his mouth. It only took a second before Sicheng sighed and caved in. It was maddening, how effortlessly they fit together, how Sicheng gave way to his touch at every turn. Jaehyun kissed a lot of people before, but no one felt so right in his arms, tasted so good on his lips, that Jaehyun had to physically restrain himself from going too fast.

Instead, he cupped both of his cheeks and tilted his head before licking his way into Sicheng’s mouth, grazing his tongue gently. Sicheng moaned, no, whined, high pitched and needy, before circling his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, pulling him closer. The sound he made absolutely drove Jaehyun up the wall.

He pulled away for a second, just so he could take a look at Sicheng, making sure that what was happening was consensual, that they both wanted this. Sicheng looked back at him with half-lidded eyes, breath heavy. His lips were flushed red, slick with spit.

Jaehyun asked, without a word, only with his gaze.

“Don’t stop,” Sicheng whispered.

Fuck.

Jaehyun crashed their lips together one more time. This time, Sicheng was ready for him, closing his eyes even before they touched. He wrapped his arms around Sicheng’s waist, hauled him closer.

The whole situation felt unbelievable, really. Sicheng was half on his lap, devouring his lips desperately, cradling the back of his head to keep him close, pressing closer and closer until Jaehyun could feel his arousal between his thighs.

Jaehyun longed to touch him, to make him feel so good he couldn’t help moaning Jaehyun’s name as he came. But not now, not like this. They had to talk first and figure it out.

Right at that moment, the sound of the front door being opened echoed through the apartment and Mom called out to Jaehyun only ten seconds later.

“Hyun-ah!”

Jaehyun pulled away from Sicheng and turned toward the door. His stomach dropped when he realized he didn’t even close the door before he followed Sicheng inside.

“Wait a second,” Jaehyun whispered to him, before carefully scooting away so he could stand up. He glanced at Sicheng, smiled when he saw how messy Sicheng looked after their make out session.

“Jung Jaehyun, aren’t you going to clean up after yourself?” Mom asked again, no doubt after finding the mugs they used on the table.

“Stay here,” Jaehyun said as he patted Sicheng’s head, before he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Mom’s eyes widened when Jaehyun showed up. He didn’t say anything as he picked up both mugs and carried them to the sink.

Her eyes followed his every move, but he ignored her, turning his back to her to wash the mugs. She walked up to him instead, crossing her arms together.

“Did you bring someone over?” She whispered, raising her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

“Eomma,” Jaehyun sighed sheepishly.

“Do you think I wouldn’t notice when you look like this?” Mom chuckled. Damn. Maybe he looked just as messy. “It’s fine, Hyun-ah, you’re an adult anyway.”

“It’s Sicheng,” Jaehyun came clean without much fight because Mom would find out either way.

“Oh!” Mom gasped scandalously. “I thought you two are just friends.”

“We still are... or not... I don’t know,” Jaehyun sighed again. Mom looked amused.

“Please just pretend you didn’t notice. He would be mortified,” Jaehyun pleaded. This time looking directly at her to show how serious he was. “And don’t tell appa.”

“Okay,” Mom grinned. “Just be safe, okay? Use protection and all that.”

“Oh my god,” Jaehyun groaned.

Mom laughed and messed with his hair before leaving him alone in the kitchen. Jaehyun finished washing the mugs and hurried back to his room. This time he made sure to close and lock the door.

Sicheng was lying down on the bed when he came in, burying his face on the pillow. Jaehyun lay down on his side, facing him and caressing his hair gently, asking him to look up. Sicheng did, but he didn’t look at Jaehyun’s eyes. His eyes were staring at his cheeks instead.

“Are you looking at my cheek?” Jaehyun teased. Sicheng scoffed and started to turn away, but Jaehyun caught his arm to stop him.

“Come here,” Jaehyun said. Sicheng didn’t make any effort to get closer, but at least he didn’t avoid Jaehyun’s eyes, so Jaehyun caved and let his arm go.

“Do you really like me?” Sicheng whispered.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun murmured. “I didn’t know it myself, though. I thought I just wanted to be, like, your best friend.”

“But you had Taeyong hyung, then Sooyoung noona, then that girl in our branding class,” Sicheng sighed wearily. Jaehyun grimaced, regretting every single time he told Sicheng about people he slept with.

If what happened between Jaehyun and Taeyong bothered him, this had been going on longer than Jaehyun expected. Two long years. As long as they knew each other, in fact.

The guilt almost consumed him. How many times has he hurt Sicheng inadvertently? How deep the cuts had been each time Jaehyun told him about the casual fucks? How many opportunities he lost, hours he wasted with other people when he could be with Sicheng instead?

“They were just distractions,” Jaehyun said, pushing down the catch in his throat. “I don’t even like them that much.”

“Not even Taeyong hyung?” Sicheng pouted.

It was a sore spot, Jaehyun noticed. The girls didn’t matter much to Sicheng, but Taeyong was closer and the affairs stretched too long to be considered casual.

“No,” Jaehyun answered firmly. At least not now.

Sicheng still didn’t look convinced and Jaehyun realized he had to be more honest, more open to break through his defense.

“It’s just… I never felt like this for a guy before. With Taeyong hyung, it was just… physical attraction,” Jaehyun said slowly as he sorted out his own thoughts. “So, I didn’t connect the dots right away. I didn't know what I feel for you is romantic. But now that I think about it, the signs are always there.

“I always want to spend more time with you and I’m jealous of people who are closer to you than me. Like, I don’t feel that way for any other friend. Only you.”

“Why did you never say anything then?” Sicheng asked.

“Because it felt so petty. How do I even tell you?” Jaehyun chuckled wryly, before giving him an exampe in a mocking tone, “Why do you keep hanging out with Yukhei and not me? Why won’t you open up to me? I told you about people I slept with, but you won’t tell me anything.”

“Well, now you know why,” Sicheng scofffed.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun didn’t think he could apologize enough.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault,” Sicheng shook his head. “I was being unfair to you, expecting you to notice my feelings for you when I had never done anything to show it.”

“Fuck, Sicheng-ah, I should’ve…” Jaehyun started.

“No, don’t…” Sicheng chided. “Let’s not go there.”

“But…” Jaehyun frowned.

“Let’s focus on the present,” Sicheng insisted.

“But I’m leaving soon,” Jaehyun murmured. “I only have three days left.”

“So, we’ll enjoy it to the fullest,” Sicheng shrugged. “That’s why I came here, right? So, I can be with you.”

Their eyes met and Sicheng held his gaze for once, smiling wide enough so his prominent cheekbones appeared. Jaehyun wanted to pinch his cute cheek and he actually did it this time.

“Come here, then,” Jaehyun opened his arms.

“Your mom’s home,” Sicheng said incredulously.

“Dude, what are you thinking about? I just want to cuddle,” Jaehyun chuckled. Sicheng huffed, but shifted closer until Jaehyun lay on his back and he was half on top of Jaehyun, resting his head on Jaehyun’s chest and wrapped his arm around his waist.

He had never seen this side of Sicheng, didn’t know Sicheng could be this affectionate. Getting to be the receiving end of it was such a privilege, Jaehyun felt like he was about to weep with joy.

“You know how happy I am when you said you’d come here early?” Jaehyun mused, running his fingers through Sicheng’s soft hair.

“Really?” Sicheng whispered.

“I thought you wouldn’t care if I had to leave,” Jaehyun said.

“God, you’re so frustrating,” Sicheng groaned. “I was so mad when you told me last minute.”

“Yeah, you did let me know,” Jaehyun deadpanned.

“I thought I lost my chance with you,” Sicheng murmured.

“Well, you didn’t. We’re here now, together,” Jaehyun said.

“Yeah…” Sicheng looked up to him and smiled. This time, he was the one who closed the distance between them, who pressed their lips together, filling all Jaehyun’s senses with his taste, his smell, his skin. Jaehyun drank everything in greedily, wanting nothing but drowning in him, with him.

*

“Try the galbi, Sicheng-ah. It’s really good,” Mom put a piece of the beef on Sicheng’s plate.

“Yes, thank you, eomoni,” Sicheng hurriedly nodded, covered his mouth with his hand since he was still chewing. Jaehyun threw a glance at her, silently asking her to dial it down. Mom just grinned and shrugged a little.

The four of them were having dinner together in the family’s favorite barbeque restaurant. Jaehyun was the one who picked the restaurant because he knew Sicheng had never tried proper hanwoo before. It was too expensive for a university student. But, Dad would be paying their dinner tonight so they could even order the most fancy cut the restaurant offered.

“So, you’re also in engineering school, Sicheng?” Dad asked. Sicheng nodded.

“He got a full scholarship,” Jaehyun mentioned casually, knowing it would impress his dad. Sicheng looked embarrassed to even talk about it. He was never one to brag, not seriously anyway.

“Oh, yeah?” Dad looked impressed as expected. “You must’ve been smart then.”

“Best student in our year,” Jaehyun said.

“And what about you, Hyun-ah?” Dad raised his eyebrows. Jaehyun scoffed because he usually did well in school. Although, he did get two Bs last semester and Dad still hung them over his head. Dad chuckled and added a few more pieces to Jaehyun’s plate to show him he was just joking.

Mom asked about Sicheng’s family and he started to talk about his parents and older sister. His dad owned a small property development company, while his mom was a homemaker. His sister went to a university in Australia and stayed there ever since.

“Your mom must’ve been sad, now that all her children live abroad,” Mom commented.

“Yes, for the first year, but she’s happy now that she has the house to herself,” Sicheng said, making Mom chuckle.

Mom and Dad shared stories about Jaehyun’s childhood, how he broke his legs once after trying to skate or how he ended up in Suwon after falling asleep on a train. Sicheng listened attentively as they talked, laughing at the punchlines like it was the funniest jokes he ever heard.

Sicheng was usually quiet in a social setting like this, especially around people he wasn’t close with. That was why watching him trying so hard to talk to Jaehyun’s parents was so endearing. Jaehyun felt his heart swell with so much affection for him.

Dad drank a lot during dinner and Jaehyun kept up easily. He was the reason Jaehyun could hold his alcohol in the first place. Sicheng struggled through it, even after Jaehyun assured he didn’t have to keep drinking.

Sicheng was red in the face when they finally left the restaurant, holding onto Jaehyun’s arm to steady himself. Mom didn’t drink so she drove them home, with Dad already dozed off on the passenger seat.

“You okay back there?” She glanced at Jaehyun and Sicheng on the back seat.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun nodded. Sicheng mumbled his answer before slumping against the window.

“He’s so cute,” Mom chirped.

“I know,” Jaehyun huffed.

“Hope it works out between you two,” Mom murmured.

“Eomma!” Jaehyun chided, afraid Sicheng would hear what she said.

“Alright,” Mom chuckled.

Jaehyun had to half carry Dad to their apartment, while Sicheng and Mom trailed behind him. He glanced at Sicheng more times than necessary, but he had sobered up since and was able to walk by himself.

After dropping Dad on his bed, he hurried back to his own bedroom, grimacing to find Sicheng already laying on the bed, still wearing his coat.

“Aren’t you hot?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng hummed. Jaehyun sat down beside him so he could try prying the coat off him.

“What are you doing?” Sicheng groaned, slapping Jaehyun’s hand away.

“Sorry…” Jaehyun murmured nervously. “Just want you to sleep comfortably.

“Oh…” Sicheng sighed. “Okay, take it off, then.”

Sicheng tugged on his own coat. Jaehyun did so gently, making sure Sicheng was still able to sleep if he wanted to. He was still wearing layers of clothes under it. Jaehyun tentatively touched the first button of his flannel shirt, asking for his permission. Sicheng nodded ever so slightly.

Jaehyun undid his button one by one, while Sicheng did nothing but watched him with heavy lidded eyes. Even though Sicheng was nowhere near topless—he was still wearing a light turtleneck under the shirt—it felt entirely suggestive.

“Do you want to make out?” Sicheng asked in a low voice. Jaehyun gulped down and nodded. He probably should be embarrassed to be this predictable, but he couldn’t care less. Not if he could kiss Sicheng one more time.

Sicheng opened his arms, telling Jaehyun to come closer. Jaehyun immediately lay down beside him and cupped both of his cheeks before kissing his lips, as gently as he could. Sicheng huffed and nipped on his bottom lips, urging him to deepen the kiss.

They both smelled and tasted like soju and smoke, the least sexy thing Jaehyun could think about right now. But it wasn’t a problem when Sicheng kept shifting closer, warm against him. With his eyes closed, Jaehyun could hear every single noise Sicheng let out. The hitch in his breath as Jaehyun slipped his tongue inside his mouth, the soft moan he let out as he wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, the low whine in his throat when Jaehyun slithered his hand down his body to feel up his ass.

His reaction just encouraged Jaehyun to be bolder, so he rolled his hips forward, directly against the front of Sicheng’s jeans. He could feel how hard Sicheng was already, even under the thick fabric. Sicheng moaned with surprise, a little too loud in the quiet apartment.

“Yah…” Jaehyun warned him.

“Sorry,” Sicheng murmured sheepishly. “You gotta warn me before you do that!”

Jaehyun stilled and rested his hand on Sicheng’s hips, letting Sicheng catch his breath. Sicheng bowed his head down, probably embarrassed to look at Jaehyun directly.

“Do you want to stop?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah, I don’t want your parents to hear us,” Sicheng nodded.

“Hear you, you mean,” Jaehyun chuckled. “I didn’t know you’re so loud in bed.”

Sicheng blushed furiously at the teasing, stammered through his words to defend himself, “Well, I didn’t know either!”

“Let’s wait until they leave tomorrow. Then you can be as loud as you want,” Jaehyun said, smiling suggestively.

“What are you talking about?” Sicheng scoffed coyly.

“You know,” Jaehyun smirked.

Sicheng groaned and buried his face on the sheet, squirming with embarrassment. Jaehyun giggled with delight as he gently patted Sicheng’s hair.

“Let’s just sleep for now, okay?” Jaehyun said.

“Okay…” Sicheng murmured.

“I’m washing up first,” Jaehyun planted a kiss on the top of his head before climbing out of the bed. A wide grin still plastered on his face, all the way to the bathroom.

*

##### March 1st, 2018

Jaehyun and Sicheng showed up for breakfast in the morning. Sicheng obviously still needed more sleep, but he said he didn’t want to be rude just to sleep in. Jaehyun tried to remind him that his parents really didn’t care about things like that, but Sicheng ignored him.

So, Jaehyun let him and continued to eat his cereal while both Mom and Dad walked back and forth from their bedroom to the bathroom as they got ready to leave for work.

“What are you doing today? Going out?” Mom asked while she pulled out a small container of sliced fruits from the fridge.

“No, we’ll probably just stay in and watch Netflix,” Jaehyun shrugged. Even though, in reality, Jaehyun was planning to fool around with Sicheng in bed all day long. If he let him, of course.

“Jaewook-ah,” Mom called as Dad emerged from his room. “Your coffee.”

“Right,” Dad nodded and walked to the espresso machine and pulled out his tumbler from the cabinet to concoct his coffee of the day.

“Juyeon-ah, do you want some?” Dad asked.

“No, I’ll make one in the office,” Mom shook her head.

“Come on, we’re going to be late,” Dad said after he finished.

“Bye!” Mom chirped before they hurriedly got out of the apartment.

“Bye!” Jaehyun answered from the dining table.

“Your parents are so cute together,” Sicheng said after they left. “They're like friends.”

“They were friends before they started dating,” Jaehyun said. Not unlike Sicheng and himself, now that Jaehyun thought about it.

“So that’s why…”

“Your parents aren’t like that?” Jaehyun asked.

“Nah, no way,” Sicheng laughed dryly. “My family is traditional, you know, conservative. My dad won’t even lift a finger in the house. Mom had to do everything for him. It annoyed the hell of my sister.”

Of course, Jaehyun had seen families like that before. Unfortunately, it was the norm here in the country. Still, it was the first time one of his friends readily admitted it and talked about it out loud.

“What about you? Do you help out?” Jaehyun asked. Because that was what his parents taught him since childhood. Jaehyun used to clean after his own shit for as long as he remembered.

“Of course! My sister would nag at me if I don’t,” Sicheng scoffed. “Honestly, she’s scarier than my mom sometimes.”

“Are you close with her, though?” Jaehyun asked, curious. He always wanted a sibling. It sounded so much fun to have someone who grew up with you, who shared the same experience and understood you in a way anyone else couldn’t.

“Not really, she’s six years older than me, so she always treats me like a kid,” Sicheng answered, although the affection in his eyes was obvious as he talked about her. “But I look up to her and she always looks out for me.”

“That’s nice,” Jaehyun said.

“It is,” Sicheng smiled.

“I’m making coffee, do you want some?” Jaehyun asked.

“Sure,” Sicheng nodded.

Jaehyun powered up the espresso machine and strolled to the living room to put on a vinyl on the turntable, letting Frank Ocean’s voice fill the room. He put down the cups of coffee on the table after they finished and sat back down in front of Sicheng.

“Your parents are really cool, though,” Sicheng mused.

“Really?” Jaehyun scoffed because that wasn’t the word he would use to describe his own parents.

“Yeah, they treat you like an actual adult. That must’ve been nice,” Sicheng shrugged. “I see how that influenced you.”

“How so?” Jaehyun asked immediately.

“You’re like… I don’t know how to put it in words…” Sicheng paused for a second. “You’re so sure of yourself.”

“Me?” Jaehyun burst out laughing, feeling incredulous that Sicheng thought about him like that. “I don’t think so, Sicheng-ah.”

“You are, though,” Sicheng scoffed. “At least, as much as a 21 years old could. Like, you know what you want and you act on it.”

“I most definitely don’t know what I want. I didn’t even know I like you,” Jaehyun chuckled.

“Not that…” Sicheng huffed. “I mean, in general. Like, in class, you worked as hard as you could, but you weren’t anxious about the result, because you knew you gave your best. It’s like… it’s important to you, but it doesn’t define you.”

Jaehyun didn’t know what to say to that. The fact that Sicheng even paid attention to him at all, noticing how he carried himself, how he reacted to what was happening in his life, was heartwarming, to say the least. Honestly, it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to him.

“What?” Sicheng asked sheepishly when Jaehyun stared at him, didn’t even bother to say anything.

“I didn’t know you’d notice those things,” Jaehyun murmured. Sicheng laughed nervously and just shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. Jaehyun thought it was unfair how he threw a curveball like that and expected Jaehyun to just brush it off.

“How about you, then?” Jaehyun asked, instead. “You don’t feel that way about yourself?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing half the time,” Sicheng scoffed.

“But you still give your all,” Jaehyun pointed out.

“I had to,” Sicheng chuckled wryly. “Or else my dad would yell my ear off.”

So that was why, Jaehyun thought to himself. Sicheng pushed himself to a frightening limit sometimes. He didn’t just work hard in school, he did it like his life depended on it—which was unhealthy, in Jaehyun’s opinion. But he felt like it wasn’t his place to say anything about it.

“That’s why you’re so hard on yourself,” Jaehyun mused.

“Yeah,” Sicheng chuckled wryly. “It gets tiring sometimes.”

“You always do well, though, Sicheng-ah,” Jaehyun reached out to his hand and gave it a little squeeze as he said it, hoping it was enough. Sicheng glanced at him as his lips curved into a shy smile.

“Thanks,” he murmured.

All Jaehyun wanted to do was reach across the table to kiss him. Then, he realized he could actually do it, so he did just that.

“Yah!” Sicheng huffed sheepishly when Jaehyun pulled back, grinning at the blush on his cheeks.

“Do you want to pick up where we left off last night?” Jaehyun asked in a low voice, throwing him a meaningful look. Sicheng looked a little shaky at the suggestion, but he nodded anyway. 

“Come on, then,” Jaehyun stood up right away. He grasped Sicheng’s hand and pulled him up, before crowding him against the dining table.

“Here?” Sicheng asked.

“Why not? There’s no one around,” Jaehyun murmured. The idea of fooling around in the shared space of the apartment behind his parents’ back sounded entirely dirty, but also sexy as fuck.

Jaehyun scooped Sicheng up, so he could sit on the table. He liked the fact that they were almost the same height. He didn’t have to bend down to kiss him. He just had to lean a little closer and their lips already touched. Sicheng sighed into his mouth as he circled his arms around his neck, slowly caressing his nape.

It was sweet at first. The kisses were languid, as they nibbled on the other’s lips, the way they held each other was gentle. The only noise Sicheng made was a lingering sigh.

But Jaehyun had been a little wound up. He hadn’t jerked off since Sicheng arrived in the city and frankly he couldn’t wait to get off. If Sicheng wasn’t up for it, he didn’t mind doing it himself in the privacy of the bathroom. But he wanted to feel Sicheng against him and hear his needy little moan. God, he felt himself hardening just thinking about it.

So, he tilted his head to kiss Sicheng deeper, licked his lips open and brushed their tongue together. He inched closer, until Sicheng parted his legs to make space for him. The gesture was the last push. Jaehyun cupped Sicheng’s ass so he could grind his hips against him.

“Ah…” Sicheng moaned, loud and clear in the empty apartment. He was already rock hard in his sweatpants. The shape of his arousal felt absolutely sinful against Jaehyun’s own. Jaehyun felt almost delirious because he was so turned on with just a little touch.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun lost his inhibition and started to rut against Sicheng shamelessly. Sicheng gripped onto his shoulder, whining softly with each move. His head was thrown back, lost in pleasure. Jaehyun nuzzled his nose on the curve of his neck, feeling his temperature rising second by second.

“Jaehyun-ah…” Sicheng called, grasped Jaehyun's shoulder a little harder. “Wait…”

“Why?” Jaehyun stopped immediately and looked up to see him, worried that he was being too hasty, pushed him a little too much.

“Let’s move to your room,” Sicheng said.

“Of course,” Jaehyun nodded immediately, relieved that Sicheng still wanted to continue. “Sorry, it’s a little uncomfortable here.”

“No.. just…” Sicheng huffed.

“Why?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows.

“I can’t cum here,” Sicheng murmured sheepishly, flushed all the way to his neck as he said it. “It would be hard to clean up.”

Jaehyun couldn’t decide whether to jump him right then and there, or to laugh his ass off. He did a little bit of both as he planted a kiss on his lips, in the middle of a giggle.

Once they settled on the bed, Jaehyun immediately climbed on top of Sicheng, holding himself up with his arms to not overwhelm Sicheng under him. Their lips found each other in a second and the kiss instantly turned filthy, with a lot of tongue and heavy breaths.

When Sicheng started to buck up his hips, clearly eager for friction, Jaehyun finally let go, allowing his entire body pressed against Sicheng. With only a roll of his hips, Sicheng already trembled all over, like he was on the edge of cumming.

“Can I touch you?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yes, god, please…” Sicheng nodded right away, like he was waiting for Jaehyun to ask the whole time. Jaehyun had to bite back his smile.

“Take off your clothes,” Jaehyun said, before discarding his own t-shirt so Sicheng wouldn’t be self-conscious. Sicheng nodded a little before finally getting rid of his t-shirt and sweatpants.

Jaehyun took a second to just look at Sicheng, appreciating his slim, but toned body. Sicheng squirmed under his gaze, even his chest had gone red from embarrassment.

“Why?” Jaehyun asked, chuckling.

“Don’t just look,” Sicheng murmured sheepishly. “Do something.”

Jaehyun hummed and stared directly at the outline of the bulge between his legs, clearly visible through the tight brief he was wearing.

“This too,” Jaehyun patted the side of his hips, rubbing on his brief.

Sicheng was shy, but he was also fucking horny, because he shed his brief without hesitation. Jaehyun couldn’t believe it, really, that Sicheng was lying down on his bed, with his legs spread open, practically begging for Jaehyun to touch him.

Jaehyun wrapped his fingers around the length while thumbing on the head, already leaking wet with pre cum. Sicheng moaned softly, gripping on the sheet for purchase. Jaehyun couldn’t take his eyes off him, watching every tiny flicker of pleasure on his face with each stroke. The way his eye glazed, or his cheeks flushed, the lewd noises coming out of his mouth. Jaehyun couldn’t get enough of it.

“You too,” Sicheng managed to croak out when Jaehyun stopped for a second so he could catch his breath. “I want to see you too.”

Jaehyun’s sweatpants and boxers joined the pile on the floor in just a few seconds. Jaehyun would never forget the look on Sicheng’s face as his gaze stopped between his thighs. His eyes darkened with hunger, as he slowly licked his lips like he couldn’t wait to take him in his mouth. Jaehyun’s sex twitched at the thought.

Okay. Jaehyun took a deep breath to calm himself. First thing first. He opened the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out the bottle of lube. He poured a generous amount on his palm and rubbed his palm together to warm the cold liquid.

Sicheng couldn’t wait that long. He reached behind Jaehyun’s neck and pulled him closer so he could latch their lips together. It was sloppy at best, but Jaehyun didn’t care. He was so turned on at this point, he could take anything Sicheng would give him.

“Hngg….” Sicheng whimpered when Jaehyun finally wrapped his fingers around his length and gave a tentative slide, before jerking him off earnestly. Jaehyun stroked himself at the same time, keeping the same pace.

“Good?” Jaehyun dared to ask.

“Yeah…” Sicheng sighed. Jaehyun clasped his fingers around the head and gave a little flick. A trick he liked to do for himself. Sicheng gasped, then whined when Jaehyun did it one more time. Good god. The noises he made sounded even filthier in the smaller room.

Jaehyun touched their forehead together. They were both panting, too worked up to kiss properly. Sicheng closed his eyes, like he was too embarrassed to look at Jaehyun in the eyes, but his hand fumbled around, caressing Jaehyun’s thigh as if he wanted to help.

So, Jaehyun took his hand and directed it toward his groin without a word. Sicheng stroked him without hesitation, following the beat of Jaehyun’s own move.

“Jaehyun-ah…” Sicheng moaned, just a second before spilling hot and heavy in his hand. Hearing his name like that, bursting out of Sicheng with no control was probably one of the hottest things Jaehyun had ever experienced.

He continued to stroke Sicheng through his orgasm, greedily watching the way Sicheng arched his back toward him. His body tensed with pleasure, his eyes shut tight and his lips parted open with heavy breaths.

Jaehyun got even harder watching him, if that was even possible. After he let go of Sicheng, he started to jerk himself off frantically.

“Wait, wait, let me...” Sicheng grabbed on his wrist as soon as he opened his eyes.

“Okay, just… do it fast,” Jaehyun gasped when he felt Sicheng’s fingers around him.

“Can I suck you?” Sicheng asked.

“Yes, yes, fuck,” Jaehyun almost choked in his haste to answer.

Sicheng wasted no time to lower down and swathe the head of his member in his warm mouth, while his fingers stroke the length quickly. Jaehyun moaned unabashedly, forcing himself to stay still.

He looked down and carded his fingers through Sicheng’s hair, silently asking him to look up. He did, looking positively obscene with his swollen lips around Jaehyun’s shaft. Jaehyun groaned at the sight.

“I’m close…” Jaehyun gasped. Then he felt Sicheng run his tongue across the slit on the head and he lost it. He came hard, taking Sicheng by surprise. Too shocked to swallow, he pulled away a little. Jaehyun’s cum spurt between his lips, trickling down his chin.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry,” Jaehyun scooted away from him, even though he was still leaking furiously. The sudden movement threw off his aim. Some of his cum even landed on Sicheng’s hair.

“Fuck, it got to your hair,” Jaehyun cussed, before collapsing on the bed, still shaking all over.

“No, it’s fine…” Sicheng giggled.

Sicheng snuggled up to him, uncaring of the mess between them and planted a kiss on his lips, still chuckling. Jaehyun could taste his own cum on Sicheng’s lips and he couldn’t decide whether it was hot or disgusting. But it wasn’t like he wanted Sicheng to pull away, so he just sighed before wrapping his arms around Sicheng’s waist, appreciating the gesture, nonetheless.

“Was it good, at least?” Sicheng asked.

“Yeah, damn,” Jaehyun huffed. “Next time will be better, I promise.”

“The first time was good too,” Sicheng murmured into his chest.

“First time?” Jaehyun repeated, confused. “I thought you said you dated a guy in high school.”

“Yeah, but we never got this far,” Sicheng said. “We just made out, mostly.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun couldn’t help smiling. “What an honor to be your first.”

“I’m glad it’s you,” Sicheng whispered. Something bloomed inside Jaehyun’s chest, a feeling he had never really experienced before. It was more than happiness, more than affection. It was deeper, more profound than he felt for any of his brief stint of romance.

“Me too,” Jaehyun told him in a low voice, taking his hand and holding it tight, trying to calm the frantic beat of his heart as he realized what he was feeling. This time he didn’t need two fucking years to understand what it was. 

Because it was clear as day, now that he knew how Sicheng felt in his arms, how Sicheng tasted on his lips. He was in love with Sicheng and nothing could convince him otherwise.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for the sweet words! I really enjoyed writing from Jaehyun's perspective. He's such a sappy hopeless romantic, but he thinks he's too cool for it. Now, he's all whipped for Sicheng and had to eat his own words 🙃
> 
> I do have to warn you this chapter got progressively sadder and sadder toward the end, so I apologize in advance. I do have an angst tag on the fic. I think.
> 
> I have to admit though, everything I know about South Korean's mandatory military service came from their dramas and movies so I most probably got some of it wrong. Just ignore it if you do find an error, thanks 😂
> 
> Anyway, without further ado, enjoy!

##### March 1st, 2018

“Sicheng-ah, we’re here,” Jaehyun said, patting his shoulders gently to wake him up. Sicheng sighed softly before opening his eyes. They were visiting Jaehyun's grandmother who was staying in a retirement home outside the city. Jaehyun had promised to see her before he left and Sicheng decided to tag along because he had nothing to do anyway.

They got out of the car and walked toward the building. It was built like a small apartment complex. Each residence had their own private space, with shared entertainment and sport facilities, as well as many club activities to keep the residences busy.

When Grandma told the family, she wanted to move here, Jaehyun was adamantly against it. Grandma ignored them and did what she wanted anyway.

She made many friends here, feeling less lonely among her peers compared to when she was still living alone in Seoul. Jaehyun tried to visit as much as he could. Still, it had been months since the last time he came.

Grandma told him to go straight to the chapel. Jaehyun had never been to that part of the building before, so he had to ask around before getting there. Sicheng, on the other hand, wandered around by himself until Jaehyun had to call his phone because he couldn’t find him.

Sicheng finally emerged from a small path in the garden. Jaehyun waved at him from the chapel’s steps, telling him to come.

“It’s so cold here” was the first thing Sicheng said as he got close enough.

“Come here,” Jaehyun opened his arms, offering a hug. Sicheng stepped into his space and wrapped his arms around his waist under the coat.

“How come you’re so warm?” Sicheng asked, snuggling his face on the crook of his neck. Jaehyun couldn’t help brushing his lip off the top of his head, even feeling the urge to tilt his head up and so he could kiss his lips. But as much as he enjoyed toeing around the line of decency, it would probably be too much to make out in front of a chapel.

“I have a lot of body heat, I guess,” Jaehyun chuckled as he patted the back of Sicheng’s head. “Should we go in? I’m sure there will be a heater inside the chapel.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded before loosening his hug.

Jaehyun opened the door and he could see a couple of people praying inside. Sitting in the front row was Grandma. She turned toward the door when the sound of it being opened echoed through the chapel and smiled when she saw Jaehyun. She gestured at him to come closer.

Jaehyun held the door open for Sicheng, resting his palm on the small of his back as he stepped in. They walked toward his grandma like that before he slipped out of his arm into the last row of the pew and sat down. When Jaehyun turned to him, asking what he was doing, Sicheng just gestured at him to go to his grandmother. So, he did.

“My baby,” Grandma opened her arms to welcome him. Jaehyun had to bend down so he could give her a hug. It had been years since he outgrew her, but it still felt weird that she felt so small in his arms. “How are you?”

“I’m great,” Jaehyun grinned. “What about you, halmeoni?”

“Never better,” Grandma smiled. “You brought a friend?”

They both glanced at Sicheng who was staring at the stained-glass window with interest.

“Yeah, he’s staying in our place for the winter break,” Jaehyun said.

“He’s not a Christian?” Grandma asked.

“Halmeoni, I’m not even a Christian myself,” Jaehyun chuckled. Grandma clicked her tongue in disapproval and playfully slapped his arms. She had never approved of his parents' decision to raise him without any religion.

“Whatever, I’m still praying for you before your military service,” Grandma snorted.

“And I thank you for that,” Jaehyun flashed her a charming smile.

Grandma asked the priest to pray for Jaehyun’s safety and well-being while he serves the nation—a little exaggeration, in Jaehyun’s opinion—but he still bowed down his head quietly. While the priest was praying, Jaehyun somehow started to recollect what he and Sicheng did in his room this morning in great details. His lips twitched in his effort to not laughing. God, he’s so going to hell. 

“Amen,” The priest said to end his prayer.

“Amen,” Jaehyun followed solemnly. Both Grandma and the priest made a cross. Jaehyun scrambled to follow and ended up only with a line across his chest.

“Thank you, Father,” Grandma murmured.

“Are we done?” Jaehyun asked after the priest left.

“Yes, come on,” Grandma said.

Sicheng stood up as they made their way toward him, smiling politely with his hands held together neatly in impeccable manner.

“Halmeoni, this is Dong Sicheng. He’s from China and he’s my classmate in university,” Jaehyun introduced him. Sicheng bowed and murmured ‘annyeonghaseyo’.

“Nice to meet you, Sicheng-ssi,” Grandma smiled as she patted his arm gently.

“You can talk comfortably to me,” Sicheng said.

“Okay, Sicheng-ah. Should we go have lunch now?”

“Yes, of course.”

Sicheng offered his arm to her and she held his arm easily. Grandma asked about him and his family, the usual stuff. Jaehyun followed them, just content to watch them together.

Grandma cooked Jaehyun’s favorite winter food, seolleongtang with nurungji and dongchimi. Jaehyun missed her food so much. It was a big part why he never hesitated to drive two hours here to see her. He had asked her to teach him her recipes before she moved here. It was pretty much useless because she had no exact recipe, she just went with her feelings most of the time.

Both Jaehyun and Sicheng ate too much and too fast, they had to lay down on the sofa after they were done. Well, Sicheng did. Jaehyun had to make do on the carpet.

“So, where did you apply to?” Grandma asked Jaehyun as she joined them in the living room.

“The army,” Jaehyun said.

“Do you know where you’d be stationed?”

“Not yet,” Jaehyun shook his head. “But I’ll be training in Nonsan.”

Grandma hummed as Jaehyun got up and rested his head on her lap. He let her run her fingers through his hair gently and stroking his hair.

“Such a shame to cut your hair,” Grandma said. “It’s already too short now.”

“I know,” Jaehyun said as his eyes met Sicheng’s. He was frowning, probably thinking about the fact that Jaehyun would leave the day after tomorrow.

Jaehyun wondered what would happen to them after he left. Would Sicheng visit him in the base? He knew Ten visited Youngho all the time. Maybe Sicheng wouldn’t mind doing the same. They would have to wait until Jaehyun got his leave to actually spend meaningful time together, though—or, let’s face it, to fuck.

God, they hadn’t even fucked yet, but he was already thinking about how they would go about doing it once Jaehyun entered the military—Jaehyun would have to splurge on a hotel room, but, honestly, it would worth every won.

They would survive the two years of separation. They had to. Jaehyun would do everything he could to make them stay together. Because after that, Sicheng would graduate and Jaehyun had to make sure Sicheng got a reason to stay in the country. And the reason would be him.

*

The three of them sat on the sofa, watching a rerun of an old drama on the television. Jaehyun fell asleep on Sicheng by the first episode and only woke up two hours later, curling on the sofa with a thick blanket covering him.

Sicheng and Grandma was sitting on the dining room, each nursing a cup of tea. By contrast, Fly Me to The Moon could be faintly heard from the radio. Frank Sinatra version. Grandma always loved him.

Jaehyun watched them sit in silence, didn’t bother to announcing his presence.

“You brewed this well,” Grandma said, after taking a sip of her tea.

“Thank you,” Sicheng said. “My mother taught me.”

“You like drinking tea?”

“Chinese people like drinking tea in general,” Sicheng said, grinning.

“Oh, right!” Grandma nodded in appreciation. “Hyun hates tea. He always drinks coffee instead.”

Sicheng laughed. “I know.”

“You look so handsome when you laugh,” Grandma said. A typical praise she liked to offer to everyone out of nowhere. “Girls must’ve chased you around all the time!”

“Not at all,” Sicheng chuckled nervously. “Besides, I’d like it better when boys do that.”

“I’m so sorry!” Grandma gasped. “I should’ve known better.”

“It’s fine,” Sicheng shook his head immediately.

“No, it’s not. I’m assuming you’re heterosexual and I’m not supposed to do that. Hyun told me all about it,” Grandma sighed. Jaehyun grinned to himself, feeling proud that she still held his words close to her heart.

“Wait!” Grandma raised her palm. Oh. She caught on. The women in his family all had sixth sense, Jaehyun could’ve sworn. “Are you and Hyun…”

Sicheng shook his head before Grandma could finish her question.

“…dating? Is that why he brought you here?”

“No, we’re not…” Sicheng uselessly denied.

“Yes, you are!” Grandma giggled.

“Halmeoni,” Jaehyun finally made a sound. Both Grandma and Sicheng turned to him in surprise. Sicheng sighed with relief as their eyes met, glad to be saved. Grandma rolled her eyes, annoyed to be disturbed when she just got to the juiciest gossip.

“Do you know where I can get a coffee? I need a cup before I drive back to Seoul,” Jaehyun said.

“There’s a coffee machine in the lounge. I’ll walk you there,” Grandma immediately stood up. Okay, she’s going to interrogate him now.

“We’re not dating, halmeoni,” Jaehyun said immediately as soon as they left the apartment. Grandma snorted in disbelief, making Jaehyun laughed and added, “At least not yet. We like each other, I think it’s happening, but we haven’t talked about it yet.”

“Why not? You’re leaving the day after tomorrow. You should make it official as soon as you can,” Grandma said. “Because he’s a great catch, you know that.”

“I know,” Jaehyun chuckled. “I’ll talk to him. So, don’t say anything to him about this.” 

“Alright,” Grandma smiled and patted his arms. “I hope it goes well.”

Jaehyun gave her a wide smile, showing off the dimples, before answering, “I hope so too.”

*

Jaehyun didn’t talk to Sicheng about it. He had to focus on driving, so he just let the radio filled the silence on the trip back to Seoul. When they got back home, Jaehyun found out Mom and Dad went to a dinner in their friend’s house. That usually took a long time, so Jaehyun dragged Sicheng to his bed for a make out session.

And now they were both half naked, rutting against each other and Jaehyun was so hard, he felt like he would die if Sicheng don’t touch him soon.

“Jae…” Sicheng gasped when Jaehyun started to stroke him over his brief. “…Hyun-ah…”

“Like the sound of that,” Jaehyun murmured.

“Huh?”

“I like it when you call me Hyun,” Jaehyun said. Sicheng chuckled in disbelief. 

“Well, then, Hyun-ah...” Sicheng started.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun smiled.

”Let’s fuck,” Sicheng whispered, taking Jaehyun by surprise. When Jaehyun didn’t say anything, he added, “I want you to fuck me.”

Jaehyun pulled away so he could look at Sicheng in the eyes and find out how serious he was with his own eyes. To his credit, there was no doubt in Sicheng’s eyes.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to do everything right away,” Jaehyun told him gently. 

Even doing what they already did was already taking it too fast, considering they only found out about each other’s feelings two days before. Jaehyun didn’t want them to rush everything just because he would start his military training soon. Sicheng was too important for that.

“You’re leaving the day after tomorrow,” Sicheng deadpanned.

“It’s not like I’m leaving the country,” Jaehyun scoffed.

“You might as well do,” Sicheng murmured under his breath.

“We can meet when I get a leave,” Jaehyun insisted.

“Sure,” Sicheng said dismissively. He was totally ignoring everything Jaehyun said. When he looked up at Jaehyun, his eyes were full of determination, like he wasn’t going to accept anything but a yes.

“Come on, I waited so long for this already,” Sicheng pouted and deliberately widened his eyes to look even cuter than he already was. “You probably only realized your feelings yesterday, but I’ve liked you for two years, okay?”

What a way to guilt trip someone just to get a dick, Jaehyun thought. It worked because now Jaehyun felt bad and the idea of anal sex suddenly didn’t seem so wrong.

“I’m sor…”

“Don’t!” Sicheng stopped him immediately. “I didn’t say that to get an apology.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun said in resignation. “We’ll do everything you want, okay?”

“Okay,” Sicheng nodded. He was asking for this, but he looked nervous the second he got it.

Jaehyun brushed his fingers over Sicheng’s groin deliberately, making him flinched with surprise. Jaehyun just grinned when Sicheng scowled at him. Then, Jaehyun went even further and pressed his thumb right on Sicheng’s rim. Sicheng tensed immediately, gasping at the touch.

“You sure you want this now?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded stubbornly, even though he sounded a little breathless.

“Then, you need to relax, babe,” Jaehyun said as he caressed Sicheng’s head gently. Sicheng snorted sheepishly.

“Should we smoke some weed first?” Jaehyun suggested.

“You’re going into the military soon, I don’t think it’s wise to smoke weed,” Sicheng pointed out. Always the voice of reason.

“Let’s drink wine, then,” Jaehyun said. He rolled off the bed, grinning. “What do you think?”

“Jaehyun…” Sicheng got up to look at him, pouting.

“I’ll bring the wine,” Jaehyun grinned and walked to the kitchen to get two glasses of red wine. A small portion for himself and more than half for Sicheng. He brought the glasses back to his room. Sicheng was sitting at the edge of the bed in a daze.

“Drink this first,” Jaehyun said, offering a glass to him. They clinked their glasses together before Jaehyun took a small sip, while Sicheng drank every last drop in two big gulps. Just as Jaehyun thought, he was nervous. Really nervous. 

Jaehyun took the glass from him and put them down on his desk. Then, he kneeled in front of Sicheng and touched the waistband of his brief, asking him to take if off. Sicheng raised his ass and let Jaehyun pulled it down his legs. Jaehyun nudged Sicheng’s thighs gently, telling him to part them open. Sicheng complied, slowly, hesitantly. 

Jaehyun took his time kissing his thighs, rubbing the sensitive skin on the inner part lightly. Sicheng got a little hard from the touches in just a minute. When Jaehyun finally touched his length, he sighed softly, keen with arousal.

“Should I blow you?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng blushed and nodded shyly. 

Jaehyun’s tongue darted out, barely touching him before Sicheng started moaning. He took him whole, wetting the entire shaft to ease the slide and he could feel Sicheng filling up in his mouth almost instantly.

Jaehyun looked up, curious to his expression and Sicheng looked back at him with heavy eyes and wet lips, looking even more beautiful dazed with desire. Then, Jaehyun tentatively brushed his thumb over his rim and Sicheng whimpered, tensing up like ramrod.

“Pass me the lube,” Jaehyun told him.

“Jaehyun…” Sicheng groaned.

“Why?” Jaehyun asked.

“I’ll do it myself,” Sicheng said.

“I’ll help you,” Jaehyun said.

“But…” Sicheng frowned, definitely embarrassed. 

“Come on, it’ll be better with me anyway,” Jaehyun tried to persuade him.

“But, it’s dirty,” Sicheng huffed.

“You cleaned up, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, it’s fine.”

Sicheng was still pouting, so Jaehyun sat down beside him before kissing him nice and slow, pulling him close until he loosened up inside his arms. When Jaehyun drew back and touched their forehead together, Sicheng looked back at him, with a mix of hunger and worry in his eyes.

“I’ll take care of you, okay? It’ll feel good, I promise,” Jaehyun whispered to him. Sicheng gulped down and nodded.

Jaehyun lay him down on the bed as he poured enough lube on his palm.

“Have you done it before?” Jaehyun asked conversationally, as he rested a hand on Sicheng’s thigh, while he rubbed his fingers together to warm the lube.

“Yeah…” Sicheng admitted shyly.

“Did it feel good?”

“Sometimes. Most of the time, it just felt weird.”

“What did you do to make yourself feel good, then?”

“Just… jerking off,” Sicheng answered sheepishly. Jaehyun started slowly caressing Sicheng’s thigh, slithering his fingers higher, little by little. He smiled as he felt Sicheng shivered under his touch.

“Have you ever thought about me?” Jaehyun asked. “While you jerk off, I mean.”

“Yes,” Sicheng gulped down. Jaehyun hummed and brushed his palm over Sicheng’s length. He had softened a little, so Jaehyun gave him a slow stroke to get him back on track.

“You imagine me like this?” Jaehyun whispered. “Touching you?”

“Yeah…” Sicheng let out a strangled breath.

Jaehyun wrapped his fingers around the shaft and sucked the head without warning. Sicheng choked and writhed a little. Jaehyun had to pin him to the bed to calm him down. Then, Jaehyun rubbed the rim of his entrance gently and he tensed at the touch.

“Jaehyun-ah…” Sicheng whined.

“Relax,” Jaehyun murmured, before starting again, alternating between sucking and fingering him. Jaehyun took his time, watching Sicheng’s reaction carefully to decide whether to push him further or ease back and give him room to breathe.

Sicheng was rigid with worry at first, to jittery to even enjoy his touch, but it was nothing Jaehyun couldn’t handle with more licking, sucking or sliding his fingers in Sicheng’s tight heat.

It took quite a long time, but they get there eventually. Sicheng was moaning ‘Hyun-ah’ with a lot of ‘ah’ and ‘yes’ in as he rolled his hips to meet Jaehyun’s fingers. The way Sicheng looked at him in the eyes as he did so, like he was putting on a show for Jaehyun to enjoy, got him so turned on he almost bust himself right then and there.

“Are you ready, baby?” Jaehyun couldn’t hold it any longer.

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded immediately.

Jaehyun immediately got rid of his boxer and grabbed the condom out of the drawer.

“Let me,” Sicheng got up right away and teared up the package before rolling it on Jaehyun’s length, poured some lube on it and gave him a few strokes. Jaehyun was so aroused, even just that little touches felt so good already.

“Come on, let’s get you set up,” Jaehyun said impatiently. He grabbed a pillow and propping it under Sicheng’s ass, before kneeling on the bed and let both Sicheng’s legs rested on his thighs.

Jaehyun suddenly remembered the first time he was in Sicheng’s position. How nervous he was. How he closed his eyes the whole time because looking at his partner’s eyes was too overwhelming. But Sicheng was watching him intently, touching his thighs, then his hands that were rested on Sicheng’s own hips. Sicheng wanted this so bad and he wasn’t shy to show it. Not anymore.

So, Jaehyun bent down closer, just enough to fit their lips together. Just to convey how he wanted Sicheng just as bad, if not more, that he was thankful Sicheng trusted him so much even when he hadn’t earned it, not really.

Sicheng sighed into his mouth, circling his arms around his neck and caressing his nape gently, like he was reassuring him that it was going to be okay.

When Jaehyun finally pushed in, Sicheng still felt so tight around him. Sicheng’s body was taut from the intensity and the pressure on Jaehyun’s cock almost took his breath way.

“Sicheng, baby…” Jaehyun gasped. “You have to relax.”

“Sorry, it’s just… fuck…” Sicheng took a deep breath. “It’s a lot bigger than your fingers.”

“I know, I know…” Jaehyun murmured and pressed little kisses on his face to calm him down. “We’ll go slow, okay?”

“Okay,” Sicheng nodded.

Jaehyun carefully rocked his hips back and forth a couple of times, letting Sicheng to get used to the intrusion. And he started to loosen up and take Jaehyun in with more ease.

“It’s so weird,” Sicheng said, almost offhandedly. Jaehyun hummed as he crawled his fingers up and down Sicheng’s body. Flicking and rubbing his nipples, then played with his length a little, before caressing his thighs gently.

Jaehyun set an easy pace at first, forcing himself to go slow, much slower than he usually liked. Sicheng already started to moan, especially when Jaehyun thrusted into him and stroke him at the same time.

“Ahh…” Sicheng whined, grasping on Jaehyun’s thigh.

“Good?” Jaehyun chuckled.

“Fuck, yeah,” Sicheng nodded. “Can you go faster?”

“It’ll hurt later,” Jaehyun warned.

“I don’t care,” Sicheng said, eyes glinted dangerously. He bucked up his hips to prove his point and Jaehyun gasped in surprise.

The words felt like permission, a green light. He had been so focused on taking care of Sicheng and making sure Sicheng felt good, that he had been holding himself back this whole time. But now Sicheng quite literally told him to let go and Jaehyun was ready to grab the chance.

“Fuck, okay,” Jaehyun gripped on Sicheng’s hips harder and fastened the roll of his hips.

“Yes…” Sicheng moaned to encourage him. If he still had a mind to put on a show, Jaehyun hadn’t done a good enough job and Jaehyun liked nothing more than a challenge.

Jaehyun raised one of Sicheng’s legs and let it rest on his chest before ramming into him, making him clenched deliciously with surprise. Jaehyun groaned and kept the forceful pace, punching a moan out of Sicheng with each thrust.

“Fast enough for you?” Jaehyun teased with a roll of his hips, pressing on Sicheng’s prostate with precision and Sicheng cried out with bliss.

“Yes, yes, Hyun-ah… fuck…” Sicheng mumbled deliriously. It was kinda dirty to hear Sicheng moaned his name like that. The name his parents and grandmother called him. But the shame of misusing the pet name turned Jaehyun on even more. It was a little bit fucked up, but he couldn’t care less. Not when he had Sicheng under him.

Jaehyun leaned down, almost folding Sicheng in half in his effort to crash their lips together. Sicheng was moaning constantly now, jerking himself off as Jaehyun fucked into him, hitting Sicheng’s prostate each time.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Jaehyun murmured into his ears. “You take my cock so well.”

“Hng…” Sicheng whined. “Jaehyun…”

“Yes, baby?” Jaehyun chimed.

“I’m…” Sicheng couldn’t even finished what he was saying, definitely overwhelmed. So, Jaehyun slowed down and held himself up with his arms to look at him better. His eyes were wet with tears and he couldn’t close his mouth because he was panting so hard.

“You’re okay?” He asked as he come to a halt. Sicheng nodded wordlessly. “What do you need?”

“Just breathing…” Sicheng said.

“Okay…” Jaehyun caressed his hair gently. “You want some water?”

“No, don’t...” Sicheng grabbed Jaehyun’s ass, afraid Jaehyun was going to pull out of him. “I’m fine, just kiss me.”

“Okay…” Jaehyun started to move again. Sicheng moaned as Jaehyun kissed him deep and slow, before straightening up to fasten his pace again.

“Fuck, it’s so good…” Sicheng whimpered. “So good.”

“As good as you imagined?” Jaehyun asked.

“Better…” Sicheng answered, looking at Jaehyun as he started to touch himself again, playing with the head like Jaehyun did for him in the morning.

Fuck. The way Sicheng fine-tuned every little thing he does in bed to please Jaehyun just drove him crazy. He couldn’t believe they only started doing this for two whole days, it felt like they had been together forever.

“I’m close…” Sicheng moaned.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun took over stroking him, just as fast as the snap of his hips. He was slamming into him now, chasing his own pleasure as much Sicheng’s. “Come for me, baby…”

“Hyun-ah…” Sicheng gasped. His whole body tensed for a second before he finally spilled on Jaehyun’s hand with an obscene moan, arching toward him while throwing his head back, squirming like he didn’t know what to do with his body.

“You came a lot,” Jaehyun said, milking his release as gentle as he could while he came down from his high. Sicheng laughed weakly, before slumping on the bed with his eyes half closed, groaning when Jaehyun stopped moving and carefully pulled out of him. He peeled off the condom and started to fist himself, eager to finish.

“Come here,” Sicheng whispered. Jaehyun cuddled up to him, while Sicheng pulled him close for an open-mouthed kiss, all heady and almost overwhelming.

“You close, Hyun-ah?” Sicheng asked in a low voice, moaning his name softly.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun gasped. “Sicheng-ah…”

“I’m here,” Sicheng hummed. That was what pushed Jaehyun over the edge somehow. Jaehyun groaned as he shot his release out, landing all over his stomach. Sicheng took over his hand and stroke him through the orgasm, while he was panting hotly on Sicheng’s neck.

They stayed like that for a while, just basking in the afterglow. Jaehyun rested his head on Sicheng’s chest, sighing in contentment as Sicheng patted his back tenderly.

“We have to clean up,” Jaehyun said. He glanced at the clock on the wall. They had enough time before his parents come back. “Should we take a shower together?”

“No, are you crazy? What if your parents come home?” Sicheng huffed.

“They won’t be home until after midnight,” Jaehyun said. “Come on.”

Sicheng rolled his eyes and snorted at him, but he still followed him to the bathroom. Sicheng tried to draw the line when Jaehyun started to touch him again, but he relented when Jaehyun dropped to his knees, urging him to fuck his mouth. Sicheng’s thighs were shaking when he came all over Jaehyun’s face. Jaehyun creamed himself just by the sight of him.

They washed each other up eventually and ran back to Jaehyun’s room before his parents came home. The smell of sex in the room was getting a little too much, so Jaehyun lit a candle before they settled in bed, curling into each other.

Jaehyun fell asleep with a faint scent of soap and Sicheng in his arms, warm and alive against his bare skin.

*

##### March 2nd, 2018

The sun was barely up when Jaehyun stirred awake in the morning. He stared at the ceiling, feeling a clench in his heart when he realized today would be the last day he woke up in peace inside his own room, with Sicheng fit snugly inside his arms, because tomorrow he had to wake up really early, so he could reach Nonsan Army Training Center in time.

He gently slipped out of Sicheng’s embrace and put on a tracksuit before stepping out of the apartment. He jogged lightly along the Han River Park, just to clear his mind, then sat down on a bench after a lap, staring at the river dazedly for a long time.

He had to talk to Sicheng today. If it goes well, he will tell his parents about Sicheng before he left tomorrow morning. If it doesn’t… Jaehyun honestly didn’t know what to do if it doesn’t go well. If somehow, Sicheng wants to stay friends, or worse, doesn’t want anything to do with him at all.

He wouldn’t be that cruel, now, would he? Sicheng had waited for him for two years after all, even when all he did was fucking around with other people.

Jaehyun’s heart felt heavy as he walked back home. The neighborhood shops started to open one by one. Jaehyun knew several of the owners, so he nodded and greeted back when they told him ‘good morning’.

Then, he passed by a barbershop. The sign told him the shop was open. Jaehyun could see the owner was sweeping the room inside through the window, whistling while he worked. Jaehyun’s dad took him here for a haircut a couple of times when he was a kid, but he stopped coming here when he found trendier hairshop in his teenage years.

Without taking a second to think, Jaehyun stepped inside and the owner turned to greet him right away, smiling warmly.

“Are you open?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yes, of course. You want a haircut?” The owner asked, gesturing toward one of the chairs, telling Jaehyun to sit down.

“Yes,” Jaehyun sat down, glancing at the owner as he efficiently fit the cloak around his neck.

“What style do you want?” He asked as he sprayed Jaehyun’s hair with warm water.

“I’m serving in the military tomorrow,” Jaehyun said, feeling a catch in his throat as the words came out.

“Oh,” The owner’s expression softened. “So, you want to shave your hair off now?”

“Yes,” Jaehyun nodded.

“Okay,” The owner smiled before he fetched the clippers. He looked at Jaehyun through the reflection in the mirror. “Didn’t you use to come here when you were a kid?”

“Yes, you remembered me?” Jaehyun asked in surprise.

“You’re Jaewook’s son, right?” The owner asked. “Jung Jaewook?”

“Yes,” Jaehyun nodded right away.

“What’s your name again?”

“Jaehyun, ahjussi.”

“Right,” The owned grinned. “You’re going to serve soon, huh? Time sure flies.”

Time flew indeed, Jaehyun thought, as he watched his hair getting shaved off. It rattled him more than he thought it would. Each cut felt like tiny little stabs right through his heart, a reminder that his life would be completely come to a halt tomorrow.

“It always saddened me, shaving off young men’s hair before they go to the military,” The owner murmured. “You all have the same look in your face.”

“Really?” Jaehyun tried to chuckle, but it came out strained like he was choking.

“Yes, you always looked shocked to see yourself in the mirror,” The owner smiled wistfully at him. “Like it wasn’t your face you’re looking at.”

Jaehyun felt his eyes started to water, but he didn’t wipe it off or address it, really. The owner had enough sense to turn his back on him, busying himself with sweeping their away after he was done, so Jaehyun could get himself together.

It did feel shocking when he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked different without the hair. The same eyes, nose, and lips, but entirely different face.

Fuck. Maybe he should hurry home so he could cry in peace.

“Thank you, how much is it?” Jaehyun’s voice was shaky. The owner nodded and answered him swiftly. Jaehyun paid him and thanked him again before he left. He put up his hoodie and practically ran home, relieved that he didn’t run into anyone on the way.

“Hyun-ah?” Mom called from the kitchen when Jaehyun walked into the apartment.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun answered as he took off his shoes.

“I’m making toast, do you want some?” Mom asked. Jaehyun approached the kitchen hesitantly and stopped to lean on the counter.

“Eomma, turn around,” Jaehyun said.

“Why?” Mom turned to look at him. Jaehyun put down his hoodie and Mom gasped. She burst into tears immediately and covered her face with her hands.

“Eomma…” Jaehyun choked up in his effort to swallow down his own tears. He turned off the stove and gave her a tight hug.

“What’s wrong?” Dad peeked out of his room. He was taken aback when he saw Jaehyun, or more precisely, Jaehyun’s non-existent hair.

“When did you cut your hair?” Dad frowned. Jaehyun opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He started sobbing instead and Dad sighed as he wrapped his arms around both of them. Jaehyun was taller than him, but he bent himself down to fit inside his arms, feeling like a kid again as he leaned on his shoulders and cried his heart out.

Dad finally get them both to sit down and gave them scalding hot tea to wind down. Jaehyun just stared at the cup, still hiccupping after crying so hard.

“Yah, how are you going to work with that face?” Dad teased Mom.

“Leave me alone,” Mom snorted, before she sipped her tea. “Hyun-ah, wear your hoodie for God’s sake. I’ll cry again if I look at you.”

Jaehyun chuckled in disbelief and put up his hoodie obediently.

“Should we go out for dinner tonight?” Dad asked.

“Can we just stay home?” Jaehyun asked. “I want to cook for you.”

“Okay,” Mom nodded. “We’ll get home early.”

“Your friend’s still here?” Dad asked.

“Yeah, he’s probably still sleeping,” Jaehyun said. “He’ll leave with me tomorrow.”

“Where’s he staying if not here?” Mom asked, worried.

“In his dorm,” Jaehyun answered incredulously. “He even could go there right now if he wants to.”

“Oh, right,” Mom chuckled. “I forgot.”

Jaehyun took a shower, before bracing himself to face Sicheng. He had never seen Sicheng cried before, but he was still worried he would. Jaehyun would cry if Sicheng cries and, honestly, he didn’t know if he could handle more tears.

“We’re leaving,” Dad told him as he and Mom put on their shoes as soon as Jaehyun got out of the bathroom. Mom wouldn’t even look at him before she got out.

“Come home early,” Jaehyun murmured.

“We will,” Dad patted his arms before following Mom out.

Jaehyun sighed before entering his bedroom. Sicheng was up, too busy with his phone to look up. Jaehyun had to sat on the bed for him to pay any attention.

Jaehyun couldn’t look at him in the eyes, so he didn’t know how Sicheng reacted. Because he didn’t say anything for a long time. The game in his phone was long forgotten and the happy music filled the awkward silence between them.

“When did you do it?” Sicheng finally asked.

“Like an hour ago,” Jaehyun replied. He turned to see him, heart wrenching to find how sad Sicheng looked. It felt even more heartbreaking because even though he was completely crushed, he accepted it in resignation, like it was inevitable.

“Alone?” Sicheng asked again.

“I went out to run, then I passed by the barbershop on the way home. So, I just did it,” Jaehyun shrugged.

“Did you cry?” Sicheng took his hand and caressed the back of it.

“My mom cried when she saw me, so I couldn’t help it,” Jaehyun huffed.

“Your eyes are still red,” Sicheng murmured. His cool hand felt nice on Jaehyun’s swollen face. They lay down on the bed, with Jaehyun half on top of him. Sicheng let him snuggle close, patting on his back as he listened on the steady beat of Sicheng’s heart.

“Will you visit me in the base?” Jaehyun asked. “Ten hyung visits Youngho hyung all the time.”

“Sure, if you want me to,” Sicheng said.

“Why wouldn’t I want my boyfriend to visit?” Jaehyun risked being shameless, just to steer the conversation toward the direction he wanted. Sicheng’s heart started to beat faster and Jaehyun didn’t know if it was a good thing or not.

He rolled off him and propped his chin with his hand so he could look at Sicheng properly. Sicheng sat straighter on the bed, fussing with the blanket instead of looking at Jaehyun. No hint of what he was thinking in his face.

But Jaehyun wasn’t completely naïve or overly positive either. Anything less than a passionate yes meant no. It didn’t matter how much they were good together or how right Sicheng felt in his arms. Sicheng didn’t want this to go on.

“Sicheng…” Jaehyun started, wanting to cry already.

“I can’t start a relationship with you,” Sicheng said firmly.

“Why not?” Jaehyun challenged immediately.

“You’re leaving for two years!” Sicheng deadpanned.

“And we can still see each other, at least once every three months,” Jaehyun said.

“Then, we’ll see each other,” Sicheng surprisingly agreed right away. “But it’s not going to be a relationship.”

“What’s the point of seeing each other then?” Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows.

“Don’t ask to me to wait for you,” Sicheng shook his head. “I can’t. It would be for nothing. I’ll leave the country as soon as you get back.”

“Then, stay here,” Jaehyun pleaded. “Stay here for me.”

“And then what?” Sicheng challenged. “What would I do here?”

“Start a career here, live with me, fuck, I don’t know…” Jaehyun groaned, in complete disbelief that he was asking Sicheng to stay, two years before he had to leave.

“You don’t even know what you’re asking,” Sicheng frowned. “Fuck, we’re only 21 years old. We can’t plan that far. Who knows what would happen then?”

“Ten and Youngho can. Why can’t we?” Jaehyun scoffed.

“Because we’re not them!” Sicheng snapped. “I want to go home, okay? I promised my parents I will and I’m keeping my words.”

Jaehyun had absolutely nothing to say to that. Because, of course, Sicheng was right. What was going on between them always had an expiration date, whether they liked it or not. In the grand scheme of things, it would probably just be a short phase in their life. Even if Jaehyun wanted it so much to be something more, something he could hold on to while he was gone.

“How could you this to me? How could you make me fall for you and decided nothing would come out of it?” Jaehyun asked, hating himself for sounding petulant. Like a child. “It’s fucking cruel, Sicheng-ah.”

“Not nothing…” Sicheng lamented. “Are you saying the time we spend together doesn’t mean anything?”

“That’s not what I said!” Jaehyun snapped in frustration.

“How do you think I feel?” Sicheng murmured. “Do you think it’s not painful for me? I didn’t even know you like me. I thought I could probably get us to fuck, I would’ve never thought you would want to date me.”

“You severely underestimate me, then,” Jaehyun snorted.

“Don’t you think it’s sad how we got to know each other better in these four days, compared to the last two years we’re friends?” Sicheng mused. “And I still feel like it wasn’t enough.”

“Then, let’s be together,” Jaehyun was not above begging at this point. He would say anything if it could convince Sicheng that they belong together.

“Jaehyun, even this is already painful, imagine if I wait for you for two years and we end up have to break up anyway?” Sicheng sighed. “I can’t do that to myself.”

“What about me, then? You don’t mind hurting me right now?” Jaehyun asked.

Sicheng smiled wistfully as he caressed Jaehyun’s. The affectionate touch contradicted what he was about to say, “You’ll get over me.”

Sicheng still thought too little of Jaehyun’s feelings for him. Because, no, Jaehyun wouldn’t be able to get over him. Not that easily and definitely not fast enough.

*

Jaehyun asked Sicheng to fuck him after they were done talking. With only a few minutes of preparation, he was already on all fours, while Sicheng kneeled behind him. He backed it up as soon as Sicheng settled inside him.

“Jaehyun!” Sicheng was shocked by the unforgiving pace Jaehyun set for them.

“Harder,” Jaehyun demanded.

“Fuck, you’ll make me come right away,” Sicheng warned.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Jaehyun gritted his teeth. Sicheng groaned and gave it to Jaehyun as rough as he wanted. It hurts a little, because it had been a while since he took it on the ass, but it was completely irrelevant by the pleasure that completely engulfed him almost immediately.

He came untouched in just five minutes and he let Sicheng used him until he filled up the condom deep in his heat, even when he was almost blinded by the oversensitivity. The second orgasm hit him like a truck, and he felt like he never came harder in his entire life.

Jaehyun collapsed on the bed after, gasping for air as Sicheng murmuring apology in his ear, almost on the verge of tears with guilt. His whole body tingled, as if he had electric currents flowed through his skin and amplified his senses, to the point it almost hurt.

Maybe he wanted it to hurt. At least, it distracted him from his misery after Sicheng completely decimated all hopes he had. The hopes Sicheng himself had planted in his heart.

He wouldn’t budge even when Sicheng tried to pull him into a hug. Sicheng wrapped his arms around him uselessly while Jaehyun wept silently into the pillow.

“I understand if you hate me now,” Sicheng whispered. His voice cracked with tears.

“I could never hate you…” Jaehyun laughed dryly. “Why don’t you get it? I’m in love with you, Sicheng-ah.”

Sicheng started sobbing and Jaehyun let him lean onto him this time. He hugged Sicheng tightly, caressing his back gently as he cried his heart out in his arms, like he was just as heartbroken, like all his hopes had died too.

The mental and physical exhaustion lulled them to sleep without even cleaning up. They woke up sometimes in the afternoon. Sicheng took a shower while Jaehyun changed the bed sheet and laundered the soiled one. He aired out his room and sat at the dining table to plan the menu for dinner. Sicheng joined him after the shower, sitting awkwardly in front of him without a word.

“Do you want me to leave?” Sicheng asked. Jaehyun flicked his eyes up to look at him, surprised.

“Of course not,” Jaehyun shook his head. What would make him come into that conclusion? They already had limited time together as it was, and he wanted to cut it even shorter?

“Do you want to leave?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows.

“No,” Sicheng denied immediately. His lips trembled like he was about to cry again. “It’s just… I’m sure you want to be with your parents and I’ll just get in the way.”

“I want to be with you the most,” Jaehyun said matter-of-factly. “So, stay. It’s the least you could do.”

He knew wearing his heart on his sleeve after being completely rejected was pathetic, but he didn’t care. Couldn’t he air his grief for just one day? He felt like he deserved that, at the very least.

“Okay…” Sicheng nodded shakily. “What do you want to do today?”

“I’m cooking dinner for my parents,” Jaehyun answered. “I’m going out to buy some grocery. Do you want to come with?”

“Yeah,” Sicheng nodded.

“We both looked awful, to be honest,” Sicheng said as they got ready to leave.

“That bad?” Jaehyun checked himself in the mirror. Sicheng was right. His eyes were still puffed, red around the rim. Jaehyun put on a pair of glasses to hide it. He also wore a bucket hat because the lack of hair on his head still felt weird.

“Are we walking there?” Sicheng asked.

“No, I’ll drive,” Jaehyun said.

“Good, because my ass still hurts,” Sicheng huffed. Jaehyun couldn’t help laughing.

“I told you,” Jaehyun said.

“I know…” Sicheng rolled his eyes. Jaehyun patted his ass gently, making Sicheng squirmed with embarrassment.

The grocery run was quick, but they decided to sit down after buying tiramisu in a nearby café for dinner later. Most of the patrons were younger than them and they all looked like couples on a date.

“We haven’t even gone a proper date,” Jaehyun lamented with regret.

“We went skiing,” Sicheng chimed.

“That’s not a date,” Jaehyun frowned.

“It felt like one,” Sicheng shrugged. “When you suggested we went down the slope together, I thought you were flirting with me.”

“I probably was,” Jaehyun chuckled. No, he definitely was. He was thinking about Sicheng’s ass the whole time, for crying out loud.

“Then you asked me if I’d…” Sicheng looked around and lowered his voice. “ _...fuck_ you. Like, what I was supposed to think?”

“Exactly that,” Jaehyun snorted. “That I want to fuck you.”

“Yah…” Sicheng glared at him. Thankfully, no one heard him. That was the reason Jaehyun chose a table in the far corner in the first place.

“We did fuck,” Jaehyun shrugged.

“We made love,” Sicheng corrected him. Jaehyun raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Didn’t know you’re a romantic,” Jaehyun teased. A faint blush form on Sicheng’s cheeks.

“Why do you think I never sleep with anyone before you?” Sicheng scoffed.

“Don’t say things like that if you’re not going to be with me,” Jaehyun sighed in exasperation. Sicheng’s face stiffened with regret, but he didn’t say anything to explain himself.

“Should we go?” Jaehyun suggested when Sicheng didn’t say anything else. Sicheng nodded without a word.

The ride back home was silence. Jaehyun couldn’t stop thinking about what Sicheng said and the more he thought about the angrier he got. By the time Jaehyun parked the car in the basement of his apartment building, he was ready to fight.

“If you’re not going to date me, will you date someone else?” Jaehyun asked. Sicheng was taken aback by the sudden question.

“I don’t know,” He mumbled.

“What about Yuta?” Jaehyun kept prodding.

“No way,” Sicheng replied firmly.

“Why are you so sure?”

“I rejected him already,” Sicheng sighed wearily.

“What?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows. How come he never heard of this before.

“He asked on a date once, maybe a few months ago. I told him I like you,” Sicheng shrugged. “So, no, I don’t think we’ll date.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” Jaehyun asked, annoyed that he kept finding things Sicheng had hidden from him before.

“Because it’s not my business to tell,” Sicheng snapped. “I’m just telling you, so you’ll stop asking, okay?”

“Okay,” Jaehyun nodded, ashamed by his own behavior.

“Why are you keep bringing him up? Nothing ever happened between us,” Sicheng went on. He was frowning, but he talked slowly like he was trying to keep his anger at bay. “Like, I know you liked Taeyong hyung before, but I don’t shame you for it.”

“I’m not shaming you…” Jaehyun huffed. He just didn’t want Sicheng to date someone else while he was gone.

“Are you trying to tell me not to date anyone else?” Sicheng chided. His tone was stiff with anger now.

“Maybe…”

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“I know,” Jaehyun snorted. When did Sicheng ever listen to him anyway? This whole time he had been doing whatever he wanted, stringing along Jaehyun with him.

He told Jaehyun he liked him, so Jaehyun lowered his guard and opened his heart for him. He wanted to have sex, so Jaehyun gave it to him, keeping it gentle and affectionate every step of the way. Then, he wanted it to be over the second Jaehyun left for his military service and again, Jaehyun didn’t fight. He cried, he got angry, but he still accepted it in the end.

“Well, can I date other people then?” Jaehyun challenged.

“Sure,” Sicheng scoffed.

“You won’t be mad at me?” Jaehyun

“It’s nothing I haven’t handled before,” Sicheng murmured impassively. It felt like a slap on Jaehyun’s face.

“Is this a punishment because I wasn’t aware of your feelings for two years?” Jaehyun demanded. He wanted a fight, well, now he got one.

“No!” Sicheng frowned, but Jaehyun cut him immediately before he could talk more.

“Then, why are you keep acting like I deliberately hurt you all this time?” Jaehyun didn’t mean to yell, but he did. The more he talked, the more he got all worked up. He was bursting at the seams and he couldn’t stop himself.

“I never said that…” Sicheng said quietly.

“Do you think I don’t have any feelings just because I sleep around? Do you think I couldn’t get hurt? Because you fucking did, okay? Fuck, you come here solely to see me, sleep in my bed, meet my family, tell me you like me, fuck me brainless, then decide we don’t belong together? Who does that?”

“Jaehyun…” Sicheng called gently, reaching for his hand the second he stopped talking. “Hyun-ah, look at me…”

Something in the way Sicheng called his name finally calm Jaehyun down. As soon as he took a pause, he started to regret to even say anything at all. The rush of shame came in waves, first for the way he poured his heart out unintentionally, and second for losing his temper so spectacularly.

Jaehyun leaned on his seat and finally turned to see Sicheng, who was looking at him like he was the most precious thing he ever came across. And it hurt, it hurt so much because they couldn’t be together. Not the way he wanted. Not the way they should.

“I never thought about you that way, okay? I think you’re nicer than you ever let on. That’s why I like you in the first place,” Sicheng smiled sheepishly. “These past few days just confirmed what I thought about you, after seeing you at home, with your family. And I’m so sorry it had to be this way. I’m sorry I hurt you. Believe me, it hurts for me too.”

Sicheng leaned closer, trying to pull him into a hug and Jaehyun was tired, really. He just wanted to melt inside Sicheng’s arms, holding him tight and never let go.

“Kiss me,” Jaehyun whispered. Sicheng hummed and tilted his chin up, so they could press their lips together in a warm and languid kiss. It tasted bitter like the coffee Jaehyun just drank and sweet like the cake Sicheng had, perfectly apt for the situation they were in.

Jaehyun wished it was enough. He wanted it to be enough. But it wasn’t and there was nothing he could do about it.

*

Jaehyun busied himself with cooking when they got back to the apartment. The menu was baked garlic bread, simple salad, and shrimp pasta with rose sauce for dinner. Sicheng helped him with simple tasks, since Jaehyun knew he couldn’t really cook. He started washing the dishes when he didn’t have anything else to do.

Mom and Dad came home exactly at seven p.m. Dad said loudly it smelled good and he was so hungry on the way home. Mom almost cried again when she looked at Jaehyun, but she got herself together after a glass of wine.

Dad offered stories about his own military service and how his girlfriend at the time dumped him after only a year in. The girlfriend was Mom’s roommate in university.

It hit a little too close to home and Jaehyun had to force a smile to not give away what was going on between him and Sicheng. He couldn’t fool Mom, though, because she asked about it when she followed him to the kitchen to prepare the dessert.

“Please, not now, eomma,” Jaehyun pleaded. “I’ll tell you later.”

“Are you okay, though? Should I show him the door?” Mom’s mean instinct came kicking in.

“No,” Jaehyun chuckled. “I want him here.”

Mom stared at him for a second, trying to judge if he was being honest or not. Jaehyun gave her his most charming smile to convince her.

“Don’t bring out the dimples, come on,” Mom snorted. Jaehyun laughed lightly and left her to go back to the dining table, bearing two plates of tiramisu he bought earlier in the evening.

They brought the dessert to the living room, so they could watch a film. Dad chose Along with The God because he hadn’t watched it yet. Nevermind that the main character’s brother died in an accident while he was serving in the military.

After turning off the light, Jaehyun sat down on the carpet beside Sicheng, while his parents settled on the sofa. Half-drunk after all the wine he had, Jaehyun felt all soft and tender. He wanted to lean on someone and Sicheng was right there. So, he rested his head on Sicheng’s shoulder, finding himself getting sleepy by the minute.

“Jaehyun…” Sicheng patted his shoulder gently to wake him up. Jaehyun groaned and snuggled closer, burying his face on his neck. Sicheng’s body tensed around him.

He opened his eyes. The light was on and his parents were looking at him. Jaehyun straightened his back immediately, feeling his face burned with shame for literally kissing Sicheng’s neck in front of his parents. Sicheng was too embarrassed to even raise his head.

Mom and Dad exchanged a glance, both looking like they wanted to laugh. Great. Now both his parents knew about them, even though they were about to end this thing.

“Hyun-ah, we’ll leave at six, okay?” Dad said nonchalantly.

“Yes,” Jaehyun nodded awkwardly.

“Okay, good night, boys,” Dad grinned.

“Oh my god,” Sicheng whined as soon as Jaehyun’s parents entered their room. He rolled around the carpet like he wanted it to swallow him whole.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun huffed. Sicheng threw him an annoyed look before started collecting the dirty dishes. Jaehyun helped him and told him to leave them in the sink. They would deal with them tomorrow.

Jaehyun tried to pack his bag while Sicheng was washing up, but he didn’t know what to bring. He looked it up on the internet and he found out he didn’t really have to bring anything besides personal items, because the military would provide him with everything he needed for his daily life there.

Fuck. He really was leaving his life behind.

After Sicheng was done, Jaehyun took his time under the hot shower with the perfect water pressure, completely aware than he probably wouldn’t have all these nice things in the military base.

Sicheng’s luggage was already packed neatly when he got back, with a set of clothes laid on top of it, to be worn tomorrow. It was a wistful sight, for sure. Another reminder than tonight was going to be their last.

Jaehyun glanced at Sicheng, already tucked in under the blanket, rubbing his cheek on the pillow like a cat.

“What detergent are you using? It smells so good,” Sicheng asked.

“I don’t know, we usually took the sheet and blanket to a laundry,” Jaehyun shrugged. He climbed up the bed after turning off the light and spooned Sicheng, nuzzling his face on his nape, inhaling his scent, and storing them in his memory.

“Did you tell your parents about us?” Sicheng asked.

“My mom knows since day one,” Jaehyun scoffed. “But I asked her to not tell my dad.”

“I think he knows now,” Sicheng murmured.

“Do you mind, if they know?” Jaehyun asked.

“No, just…” Sicheng sighed. “I don’t want them to hate me.”

“They won’t,” Jaehyun whispered. “They really like you.”

“I like them too,” Sicheng said.

Jaehyun buried his face on Sicheng’s back when he felt his eyes started to well up again.

“I’m going to miss you,” Jaehyun said. His voice cracked with tears.

Sicheng took Jaehyun’s arms and pulled him closer, tightened his hug around him. When he finally answered, his voice was barely audible, softer than a whisper.

“I’ll miss you too. I’ll miss you everyday.”

Jaehyun’s sleep was restless. He saw Sicheng in his dream, walking away from him. He called his name, but Sicheng wouldn’t look back. He ran and ran after him until he exhausted himself, but Sicheng just got further away from him.

*

##### March 3rd, 2018

Jaehyun woke up with a jolt. His heart thumped loudly in his ears and his whole body tensed with surprised. The even sound of Sicheng’s breath guide him back into reality. His own breaths started to simmer down as he curled closer into Sicheng, relishing his warmth.

His hand poked around the bed, looking blindly for his phone to check the time. Half past four in the morning.

The screen light stirred Sicheng up. He groaned softly but still refused to open his eyes and buried his face on the pillow instead.

“What time is it?” Sicheng asked. Jaehyun whispered the answer and told him to go back to sleep. Sicheng rolled to his back, staring at Jaehyun without a word.

“Why?” Jaehyun asked. He couldn’t see his face clearly in the dark, so he didn’t what he was thinking about.

Sicheng didn’t answer and leaned closer to press their lips together. Jaehyun melted under his touch immediately, letting Sicheng pulled him closer until their limbs tangled together in a tender embrace.

When they started grinding against each other, it wasn’t particularly heated or even heady with lust. It was just a natural course of things after they started kissing.

They didn’t even fully take off their clothes before they both lay on their side, right after Jaehyun grabbed the lube and condom from the nightstand. Jaehyun slicked himself, wasting no time before he pushed into Sicheng’s tight, tight heat. A strangled moan escaped Sicheng’s mouth as Jaehyun started to move, dragging the slide as slow as he could.

“Hyun-ah…” Sicheng whined.

“I know, baby…” Jaehyun murmured, slipping one hand under Sicheng’s shirt, palming his chest, feeling the frantic beat of his heart. “Let’s make it last.”

“Fuck,” Sicheng cussed into the pillow. “Okay…”

Jaehyun gripped into Sicheng’s waist and fucked into him, almost lazily. Sicheng turned his head toward him, lips already parted open, begging for a kiss and Jaehyun met his lips midway, swirling his tongue in, mimicking how their bodies joined together below their stomach.

Like everything concerning Sicheng, it was a new experience. Jaehyun never held himself back like this, never deliberately edging himself. It was torturous, for sure. Even more so for Sicheng because Jaehyun stopped him when he started to touch himself.

“Patience,” Jaehyun told him. Sicheng whimpered, grasped onto the sheet instead.

Jaehyun rewarded him with faster pace, aiming on his prostate with precision. Sicheng moaned his approval, rolling his hips to meet Jaehyun midway. The sound of their skin slapping filled the room, then silence again when Jaehyun stopped abruptly, making Sicheng groaned with annoyance. He did two more times, driving Sicheng absolutely crazy.

“Hyun-ah…” Sicheng moaned. “Please…”

“Alright,” Jaehyun finally agreed, grinning as Sicheng flipped him until he lay on his back before discarding his shirt and straddling him.

Jesus. Jaehyun couldn’t believe it. Sicheng wanted to ride him. He really got front row seat of Sicheng in his lap, moaning as he fucked himself on his cock. The way he moved his hips was downright dirty and Jaehyun drank the sight greedily, etching each detail into his brain.

“Fuck, baby, look at you,” Jaehyun murmured as he snaked his way from Sicheng’s thighs into his ass and gave him a light slap, enjoying how it made Sicheng whimpered softly. “You’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“You too…” Sicheng sighed, palming Jaehyun’s chest. “Fuck, you’re so fucking hot.”

Jaehyun chuckled as he got up so he could wrap his arms around Sicheng’s slim waist and prop his other hand onto the bed to steady himself before bucking up his hips to meet Sicheng midway.

That was all it takes to finally push Sicheng over the edge. His body tightened and his mouth opened in a silent scream as he came hard, shooting out cum all over, completely untouched.

The pressure on Jaehyun’s length inside him was almost unbearable. Jaehyun only needed one more thrust before his vision whitened out and pleasure took over his body. Sicheng flinched when he felt Jaehyun released inside him, still too weak to move. His body slackened against Jaehyun’s, panting to catch his breath.

“That was insane,” Sicheng murmured.

“I know,” Jaehyun snickered weakly, still too tired to laugh.

He reached out for the tissues and started to clean themselves up. Sicheng circled his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, planting light kisses on his face, uncaring of Jaehyun’s attempt to wipe his stomach.

“If you’re not going to help, at least stay still,” Jaehyun snorted.

“Fuck that,” Sicheng scoffed. “Kiss me.”

Jaehyun huffed and tilted down to kiss Sicheng’s lips, sighing as their bodies met, skin to skin. Jaehyun reveled in the softness of his touch, the quiet hitch on his breath, devouring him like it was their last.

Funny that.

Because it was their last.

“Last chance to change your mind,” Jaehyun still tried. He had to. Sicheng’s face fell, tinged with sadness as he shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” Sicheng whispered, gently touching their forehead together.

The words still felt like a punch to Jaehyun’s gut, even when he never expected a yes to begin with. The rejection hurt every single time, probably because his heart had the audacity to hope on every look, every touch, every kiss Sicheng gave him. The reason why was obvious. It wasn’t an epiphany or anything like that. Jaehyun just knew it in his heart.

“I love you,” Jaehyun whispered. “I’m pretty sure I love you.”

Sicheng smiled, but when Jaehyun reached out to touch his cheek, it was wet with tears. He blinked and another tear slipped between his eyelashes.

“I love you too,” Sicheng whispered back.

Jaehyun’s throat burned with unspoken goodbye and repressed feelings. By the look on his face, Sicheng probably felt the same way. His words hung heavy in the air.

All Jaehyun wanted to do was to catch them and hold it over his heart, where he could hear it over, and over again. Before they slipped between his fingers and disappeared forever.

*

No one said anything when they left the apartment an hour later. Jaehyun couldn’t take his eyes off Sicheng, holding his hand all the way to the car, unconcerned by his parents’ presence. Sicheng looked out the window and wept silently in the car. His hand trembled in Jaehyun’s grasp.

All kind of regrets just ran through Jaehyun’s mind. Remembering every single time Sicheng gave him a sign and Jaehyun just straight up ignored it. Recalling each time Jaehyun stood by and do nothing when Sicheng pass him over for other friends.

Jaehyun felt like such an idiot, wallowing in what-ifs and what-could’ve-beens. Maybe he would let it all go later, but he submitted to the bad thoughts now, hating himself over it.

The car entered the campus, still completely empty, even on the edge of the winter break. Dad asked where he had to go and Jaehyun answered for Sicheng, since he was still crying quietly.

Sicheng wiped his tears carelessly when the car was approaching his dormitory building. When he thanked Jaehyun’s parents for the hospitality, his voice cracked with tears. Mom started to cry too, so Dad had to talk for both of them, telling him it was a pleasure to have him at their home.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Dad asked. “Hyun would like you to come.”

Jaehyun didn’t hear Sicheng’s answer because he chose that very second to get out of the car and pulled Sicheng’s luggage from the trunk. He walked Sicheng to the entrance, hand in hand.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun said, “For coming to see me.”

Sicheng nodded wordlessly, looking down as he played with Jaehyun’s bracelet on his wrist. The one he gave it to him.

“I’m sorry,” Sicheng murmured.

“Me too,” Jaehyun whispered. What else could he say?

Sicheng wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight for the very last time. Jaehyun burst into tears, burying his face on his shoulder, biting his lips to stop a sob from escaping his mouth.

“Take care, Jaehyun-ah. I’ll see you later, okay?” Sicheng told him, right in his ear. He pressed his lips on Jaehyun’s forehead, warm against his skin. Then Sicheng let him go and turned around to go inside without another word.

Jaehyun flailed his arm toward him, trying to hold him back to no avail. Jaehyun stared and stared at Sicheng’s back, hoping desperately for him to look back. He didn’t.

*

Jaehyun didn’t say a word on the way to Nonsan. He didn’t even cry, he just felt numb. Even when Dad offered him coffee and some bread after they stopped on a rest area, he just nodded and held them in his hand.

“Jesus, it feels like someone dying in here,” Dad chuckled weakly, patting Jaehyun’s back as he drank his coffee quietly. Mom was worse off, definitely crying behind her sunglasses, crossing her arms and looked away from Jaehyun, as if the mere sight of him already broke her heart.

“Two years are nothing right, appa? It’ll pass by fast, right?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Dad nodded right away. “You’ll get to live your life back, soon enough.”

“Will it change?” Jaehyun asked.

“Probably,” Dad shrugged. “But you’ll be changed too.”

“Is that a good thing?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows.

“Of course,” Dad smiled. “We have to change to grow, right?”

“Right,” Jaehyun nodded and sipped his coffee again.

“Come on, we don’t want you to be late,” Dad said as soon as they were done eating, glancing at his watch. He stood up quickly and strolled to the car ahead of them. Jaehyun waited for Mom so they could walk side by side.

“So, it didn’t work out with Sicheng?” Mom asked.

“Yes,” Jaehyun replied curtly.

“Can I ask why?” Mom prodded gently. Jaehyun sighed, letting Mom took his arm as they were approaching the parking area.

“Wrong timing, I guess. I’m leaving now and he’ll graduate before I come back,” Jaehyun answered numbly. “He saw no point in waiting for me, since he’s planning to go back to China after his graduation.”

“He’s a pragmatist, huh?” Mom mused.

“Yeah, unfortunately,” Jaehyun snorted.

“You didn’t agree with him?” Mom raised her eyebrows.

“I just want him to give us a try, but I guess I’m asking for too much,” Jaehyun shrugged, coulnd’t help the sullen tone slipping out as he spoke.

“Aigoo, my baby,” Mom reached out to pat his head. Jaehyun had to look away so he wouldn’t cry again.

Dad turned on the radio, letting the playlist filled the silence for the rest of the trip. Jaehyun leaned on the window, staring blankly at the landscape passing him by.

When Dad finally made a turn to exit the highway, dread started to fill Jaehyun’s stomach, making his stomach churned. The coffee he barely finished threatened to come out, burning on his throat.

Then his phone chimed, announcing a text from Sicheng.

**Sichengie**

_You’re there yet?_

_Not yet_

_I’m close though_

Sicheng typed something, then deleted it, then typed it again for a full minute. Jaehyun watched the screen intently, gripping on his phone until his fingers started to hurt.

_What is it?_

_I know I’ve been really selfish to you and you deserved better than me. But I have no regret. You made me really, really happy and I’m glad I came to see you. I’m glad I never gave up on you. You’re worth the wait, Jaehyun-ah._

_Thank you_

_I love you_

Jaehyun sighed heavily and touched his forehead to his phone, as if he could reach out through the screen and touch Sicheng if he does that. Only black mirror stared back at him.

He thought about what to say to Sicheng, how to express how he felt for him, but no word was adequate. Not over a text. Not when he couldn’t look into Sicheng’s eyes and find out for himself what he was thinking about.

Later, he decided. When his mind was clearer, or when he wasn’t nervous on his first day in the military.

He slipped his phone in his pocket just as Dad stopped the car near the military base. The civilians couldn’t get in, so all the parents that had come to see their sons off just parked on the street near the entrance gate.

Jaehyun got out of the car with a heavy heart. Dad gave him a rare tight hug, patting his back as he told his son with a shaky voice to take care of himself. When Dad pulled back, his eyes were glistening with tears behind his glasses. Dad usually only cried exactly one time every year—during his mom’s memorial service. So, Jaehyun was rather shocked to see him lost his usual nonchalance.

In contrast, Mom was surprisingly composed when Jaehyun said his goodbye. She only reminded him to eat his food well and to not cause any trouble during his service.

“Just listen to your superior and do what they say, okay?” Mom chided.

“Okay, eomma,” Jaehyun chuckled before pulling her into a hug. Mom let out a heavy sigh, as if to stop herself from crying again.

“See you on your break,” Mom nodded, before patting his back and quickly letting him go. “Off you go.”

Jaehyun bowed to his parents before joining the stream of young men walking toward the gate. They were all sporting the awkward buzz cut, bundled up in their thick coats. Everyone looked as reluctant and gloomy as Jaehyun was. At least, he wasn’t alone in his misery, he comforted himself.

He looked back at his parents just before he reached the gate. They were still staring at him, waving when their eyes met. Jaehyun smiled and waved at them one last time.

Then, Jaehyun turned to face the gate again and took a deep breath. He took a step in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it ended so sadly. I cried writing a lot writing this, especially when we finally got to the last two days. My personal favorite part was when Jaehyun decided to shave his hair alone in the morning and his mom burst into tears the second she saw him. It was... hhh... 😫

**Author's Note:**

> As always, say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/faiczn)


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